In Sickness, Health, and Full moons

Chapter Six [Azrael]

Azrael had never decided to sleep, at least she didn't remember if she had. She remembered driving here trying so, so hard not to crash the car while some small part of her told her to just ram into the nearest building. She didn't. Instead she made it to this shitty hotel, nearly throttled the clerk who told her check in isn't until twelve ma'am. God, she still wanted to punch that pimply child. She eventually used the Tanner Strategy of slap some cash on the counter and use big angry words until the kid finally gave her a room.

She never understood why hotels didn't have rooms with just one single bed. Smallest she could get was a double and it still felt too big to be in alone.

Honestly, she wasn't even sure when she'd made it into bed. She remembered crying, if what she was doing even counted as crying. Stupidly, her brain kept showing her images of the last crappy romcom she and Tanner had watched together, of the female lead sitting alone in her picturesque seat below the window, blonde hair framed by the moonlight that glistened off of one single tear as she cried after their "big fight". She'd never realized just how unrealistic that was. The protagonist hadn't thrown up even once.

At some point she must have dragged herself to bed and either fallen asleep or cried herself into unconsciousness. Didn't matter which. Probably some combination of both.

Sitting up, the burst of pain in Azrael's shoulder startled her, forcing a gasp out of her mouth. Right. Right, Tanner had done that. Tanner had hurt her, had sunk his claws into her in an attempt to kill her. He would have killed her. He was going to kill her.

He really would have done it. Azrael had no tears left as she slowly stood from the bed, entire body sore and hollow and weak. If she had been weak this morning, she'd be dead. If she had hesitated for just a second, she'd be dead. If she was human, she'd be dead.

Tanner thought she was human.

Does he still want to kill me? The thought carried Azrael forward on numb feet to the bathroom where she could rinse out her mouth and splash some water on her face, washing off the trails left by her tears. If I ever see him again, will it be my husband or that monster? No, she couldn't separate them like that. They were the same. Her husband was that monster.

But... he wasn't a monster though? A workaholic who occasionally had a serious temper, yes, but not a monster. Not violent, not cruel, just frustrated and a little tired. Knowing he was a werewolf didn't change that. What he was didn't change that. It was what he did.

Stop. I have to stop this. Dwelling on what happened wouldn't alter the past, wouldn't take back what he'd done. What she'd done; she'd been the one to bring it all to violence anyway. It was her fault that he'd tried to kill her, but it was his fault that he'd wanted to.

Goddammit Azrael, you're stronger than this. She splashed a little more water on her face, then shook out her limbs to dispel some of the heavy ache. Finding her phones on the bed--she must have slept with both of them in her pocket-- she turned on the work phone's screen to several very angry notifications. Lots of missed calls, the most recent from just a half hour ago. Work, work, work... oh god I had work today. Immediately, she hit the call back button and immediately one of her coworkers picked up. Not technically a coworker. It was her boss, Dr. Alan Katzmann, though they were on pretty casual terms.

"Christ, Azrael, I thought you died," Alan said without even confirming it was her.

I almost did. "No, not dead." She winced at how awful her voice sounded, so worn out and rough.

"What happened? Where are you? Are you okay?"

"I..." She couldn't tell the truth, she knew that much. "I'm sick, really sick. I'm sorry I should have called earlier, I didn't even wake up until just now."

"You sound sick." No, that's just the product of crying for several hours. "Are you at home? I could swing by once I get off and-"

"No!" She cut him off, a little too hasty and a little too loud. "No, please don't. I just- I don't think I'll be able to come in tomorrow. Or the day after. I'm really sorry."

Thankfully, he didn't question her. "Don't worry about it. I can't remember you ever taking sick days in all the years you've worked here." Yeah, because I don't get sick. "I'll just take you off this week's schedule. I'll keep you on for next week, but find people who could cover just in case. You just worry about taking care of yourself, alright?"

A small smile tugged up Azrael's lips at the irony of it all considering Alan had yelled at another doctor until he cried for taking too many days off just last week. "Thanks, I will." She always thought he just liked her because she was never late or absent. The nurses thought her had a thing for her. Good thing Tanner never found out. She didn't know why, but the thought kept the smile on her face.

However, the smile dropped when she hung up on her Alan to find the other missed call, on her personal phone. Tanner. The tiny icon of his face hovered next to his number. It was a truly awful picture of him, he hated it so much and had frequently wrestled the phone out of her hands so he could change it. She'd always changed it back as soon as he left the room.

Her thumb hovered over that ridiculous picture of him mid-yawn. What would I say to him? What did he want to say to her? She wanted to know, god she wanted to talk to him. Part of her did at least. Another part wanted to drive back home, pick that lamp back up and finish what she'd started. He tried to kill her. Before that, he tried to leave her and that may have hurt even worse.

But more than that, she was far too afraid of what he might say because she knew how easily he could break her. What if he still wants to kill me? If he still did, even after she knocked him out, that would mean he wouldn't stop for anything. He'd hunt her until he killed her or she was forced to kill him. I wouldn't survive. No, if he came for her again, she'd let him win. If he still wanted to kill her that meant he would.

That was why she couldn't call him, because his words might ensure her death.

Enough. She slipped her phone back into her pocket and looked outside to where the sun was already low in the sky. I'm tired, I'm sore, I'm probably still bleeding, and I haven't eaten in almost twenty four hours. Fixing any one of those would make her feel better and god knew she needed to feel better.

Azrael wasn't one for unhealthy food, honestly she'd spent pretty much all of her free time before Tanner working out and even now, much of it still went toward keeping herself strong and healthy. But fuck she needed a goddamn burger and a milkshake and to not give a shit for an hour or two. She grabbed her purse and headed back out. She wouldn't admit to even herself, but part of her was praying for a miracle to happen before she had to come back and spend the night alone.