My Life in Seoul

Chapter Thirteen : The Talk

Note : Thought

Lately, I feel like I'm not living in my body. Two weeks before Jessica wedding, I becoming robot. I spend my time most on my office.  I focus hard to my job and try not thinking much about her. I feel like living in hell, the pain in my heart is unbearable each time I remember her.

It feels angry.
It feels sad.
It feels hopeless.
It's feels died.

I might be end up in mental institution if not because my mom and Krystal. They know what I'm going through and they support me in every step. I'm so lucky to have them now. I can't ask for better family than them.

Today is my last day as trainee on my office. The day before the CEO call me and said how satisfied they are about my job and ask me to be permanent worker with very good salary offer. I accept it right away. I mean with my mom who already move in here, I don't really have reason to go back to Jeonju now.

I just arrived back to apartment after long day. I'm so tired and all I want to do is sleep on my bed. I loosen up my tie and undo couple first button of my shirt as I walk pass living room to go to kitchen. I open the fridge and take one can of beer before drink it. Bittersweet taste feel in my tongue and make me cringe from moment.

I then look at the can in my hand and sigh. I turn into Hyuk.  I don't know since when, but now I can't stand a night without drinking it. It's bad habit I know, but it help me calm and ease. I finished it fast before grab another can.

" Wow I feel dejavu. " suddenly a voice join me in kitchen. I stay on my position and not turn to see who is it because I know exactly who voice is that.

" I thought you sleep. " I said, still not look at her.

" No.. I'm waiting for you. You always come home late night now Taetae. " she answer me.

" I'm working Fany. Is not like I'm having fun somewhere or something. " I sigh as I throw the empty can on trash bin before walk to my room but her hand grab mine and stop me in track.

" Why you becoming like this? " 

I look at our hand before my eyes trail up to her face who look at me concern. " Like what? "

" Lost.. "

I just silent and stare at her.

" I don't asking you stay for me Taetae.. I never ask you to do that.. If it's really.. "

" Shush.. " I put my finger on her lips softly to stop whatever she want said. " Don't say anything.. It's my choice.. I'm sorry become jerk lately, it's my first time to be a father.. " I said softly as I stare at her lips now.

She chuckles with my answer before wrap her arms around my neck and move closer.
" I.. I love you Taetae.. " 

Her words make every muscle on my body stop move for seconds. My eyes quickly goes up to search her eyes. We stare each other for moment in silent. 

It's her first time ever she said the words to me. I can see how nervous she is now.  Her eyes look at me with hope as she smile at me a little.

Now now, how can I broke all of that..? What should I say..? I still not answer her and this make fire and hope in her eyes slowly cast away. Her smile quickly turn into frown.

" This is my first time to say 'I love you' again since my mom died.. " she said softly as she look down. " I never brave enough to say it, because it's the last words I say to her and she gone.. " she gulp before continue. " I don't want the same thing happen again.. I don't want people I love go away.. So I keep the words and lock it in my heart, until now.. "