Something i wrote being sad and suicidal

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I wanna die but in a different way you think. I want to be gone from this world. Be in my own world with my booze my smoke and my razors. I want to not be judged. I want to not feel judged even though noone is judging me. I want to fit in, feel normal for once. I just want to be away for a while to change even though i know i can never change. I will always be stuck in my head. My fucked up head.

I want to starve myself but i know i can't because I'm weak. I wish to be thinner, to be healthier; mindwise, i wish to not be me anymore. I want that thing in of my head gone. I'm sick of thinking this way. Its always the fucking same. I hurt the people i love the most with it. They are better off without me. That's why i need to be going. It's better for everyone that way. No more hurt. Just numbness...

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