One's Pondering

Don't Let Me Go

A/N: Inspired by 'Don't Let Me Go' by G-Eazy ft. Grace, not what the song is portraying but it's what I thought of when I listened to it. Enjoy~~~ ~ヾ(＾∇＾)

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I never thought that we would get to this point in our life. We said our vows underneath the spring sky, the petals of the lilies and roses fluttered in the air. It was breathtaking, a moment I would always remember. Our promise was to one another. To be true to each other in good times and in bad. Whether it was in sickness or in health and for better or for worse, we were bound to honour all the days of life with each other. 

We had planned to buy a house and make a family there. A family of three, do you remember? 

Now I lay here and I wish for love but sweet love takes her time. Hand on my heartily just to the night. Every star waits for the darkness to shine. I try and fight. Fight for what we were going to be, for what we promised each other to be. Now my heart aches thinking about the times we've shared together.

When I would wake up to your good morning kisses or your groggy but lovable hugs. When you held me for the first time, the gentleness you showed me was something that I could never forget. It was if I was your greatest treasure. You whispered in my ears sweet words that swelled deeply in my heart. It made me hope, hope for our bright future. Hope for what we promised each other.

Then I think about what has occurred and my heart breaks. Why do I cry when the tears never dry? Why do I drown when I look through your eyes? It pains me to see the man you were once. It kills my heart slowly as me and our child await for your return. I place your hand on my stomach so that you could feel the life we both created, but a sneer was placed upon your face. 

You became so twisted and cruel somehow along the way, and I couldn't figure out why. Was our love never meant to be? Did you really love me? For months I wanted your affection and yearned for your warmth. For many nights I cried myself to sleep as I waited for your return. In bed I lay alone thinking love is the morning that succeeds the night. 

It went on for a year, I didn't mind. I was a fool believing that one day you'll turn back and love me as you did before. Even though I had to go through all of the appointments alone and experience giving birth alone. I was afraid, I really was and you weren't by my side, but I didn't hate you. I pushed the fear and doubts back and tried to optimistic.

The morning after, you still didn't come. I laid in the hospital aching and tired but I didn't see a speck of your shadow. Tears fell down my eyes, I tried to encourage myself but I ended up breaking down. On our child's birth certificate your name was missing, their name was what I had chosen because you refused to even be in the same room as me.

After coming back from the hospital, I came back tired and exhausted but there was nothing awaiting here for me in this cold house. It was just me and our child. I really wanted our child to meet their father. To see the joy of our life, but that was just a false dream.

I tried I really tried, but Ignorance is bliss, truth be told. Eventually everything fades. Even the brightest of colors turn greys. Highs comes down but the pain still stays. Even the longest of nights turn days Then, wake up when it's over. It was a slap to my face when I walked in on that day. 

I had just come back from late night grocery shopping. Dropping my jacket onto the floor, I suck in a breath of cold air. I couldn't believe it. No, I wouldn't believe it. How could I? I was still trying to hold onto our ludicrous dream. With staggering steps I somehow made it back into the living room.

Picking up my purse and my child, I walked out the door. I was gone by the first sign of the light. 

The cold winter air hits my face as I walked to the car. Not caring for the noise from behind me, I hurried into the car. Staring it, I could see your figure rush out the front door. For the first time I saw a different expression from your usual disgusted one, but I couldn't stay and love you so I became heartless.

You had long lost track of our long term targets. I couldn't understand why you had changed and why I had stayed the same. Thinking when we just had met, it brought tears to my eyes. Though my heart had broken to a million pieces, I realized now that it just wasn't meant to be.

Maybe we would've work, that would only be if only we could live where the sun doesn't set. Somewhere it's always light out and happy. But isn't that just laughable? I mean it was bound to be tragic its. No way this ever could have lasted.

I come back home and I cried my heart out in my only family member's arms. I let everything that I held in go. I had to, in order to forget you. But now at least me and my child will have a chance at a new start.

A couple of days later, you come back searching for me. I could hear your voice outside the door, begging my brother to let you in, to talk to me, to give you another chance. I come behind and tap on my brother's shoulder. 

I would listen to what you had to say, but that didn't mean that I would forgive you. Expressionless I stared at you, your eyebrows furrowed and your voice filled with regret. You blamed it all on the alcohol, but I wouldn't move. 

You shouted, "Don't let me go!"

I turned away and went inside. Your voice trailed behind me.

"Don't let me go."

"Don't let me go."

"Don't let me go."