3 AM

The Letter

Dear you,
I haven't met you yet
Or maybe I have
I wonder if you even exist
Probably not
Actually, you might
I pray you don't
Only your maker knows
As asinine as it is to say
I want to meet you someday
Not soon, but I can't pick and choose
Maybe never, because the idea isn't something I'm fond of
I've been damaged
It's why I'm so desensitized to everything and everyone
I act like I care
Act like I care about others peoples relationships
Their problems
Their sorrows
And sometimes I do, I genuinely do
But other times, I don't
Your love stories, your issues, don't interest me
I'm selfish
However
At the same time, I care and I'm too selfless
I love everyone
I hate everyone
Introversion is my God
Extroversion is my Savior
I'm jaded, I'm "not" a believer
Not someone you should want to be with
I accepted these facts long ago
Let's hope to the maker I never meet you
Do I want your love?
Hell yes
Do I really want your love?
Fuck no
I expect you'll disappoint me
Or just leave like (almost) everyone does
Hope isn't even a word that is included in my dictionary
We won't be anything
An ending is inevitable
So why start?
It's not better to have loved than to have never loved at all
All love did was make me wish I was dead
Please, for your own sake
Whether you exist
Know me
Or will eventually know me
Stay away
Because God, you might prove me wrong
And I already hate you for that
And we haven't even met