Hurt - Brosh

sixteen

Brendon's POV [Trigger warning ⚠️ self harm]

I woke up to josh laying on the hospital bed with me. He was asleep, of course, and his head was buried in my shoulder. Our hands were intertwined, my monitor on my pointer finger was almost in the way, but not completely.

All I could do was silently cry.

Everything that just happened, happened so fast I don't even know how to feel about it.

I wiped my tears with my free hand.

Why does this shit always happen to me? I have the worst luck. I'm starting to think it's my fault.

My depressing thoughts were cut off when a nurse walked into the room.

"You doing okay?" She whispered.

"Mhm" I lied.

"Okay, here's some water dear" she put it on the stand next to me.

"What-what time is it?"

She looked at her watch "7:30...in the morning" she added.

"He's been up all night and morning for you, I finally told him to go to sleep. He looked rough" she and I both stared at him.

"Oh, okay. I'll let him sleep then."

She smiled "I'll be back in a few hours."

I nodded. Josh started stirring around. I sighed and played with his hair.

"Mmm" he let go of my hand and rubbed his eyes. "What time is it?" He yawned.

"7:30 a.m."

"Jesus that's early. Did you get any sleep? Sorry if I bothered you" he awkwardly laughed.

"I slept fine"

"Are you sure? B, you can tell me the truth. I'm here for you. Always"

"I said I slept fine"

He looked at me. I could tell I hurt him.

I sighed "I'm sorry"

"No, it's okay. I'm sorry if I'm being pushy I just...I just want you to be comfortable and happy"

"I understand. I'm not gonna be happy for a while, josh I can't even think of happiness right now" I close my eyes and take a deep breath. "It helps to know you're here. D-do you mind getting me something from the cafeteria? I honestly don't care what it is I'm just hungry"

"Yeah-yeah sure" he looked surprised. "I'll be right back" he kissed my forehead and left the room.

I waited until he left, I stood up, wincing in pain. I ripped out my tubes and IVs and whatnot, and went to the bathroom.

I need something sharp

I searched around. I couldn't find anything.

I grunted in frustration. Finally, I found some scissors. I closed the bathroom door and locked it, sliding myself down to the floor slowly.

I stared at my bruised wrists. I have to do it.

I pick up the scissors off the floor, and slowly slide it across my wrist. It felt so good. It felt nice to feel the pain that I am controlling. Not Dallon, Dallon isn't controlling my pain. I am.

I watch the blood seep out onto me and the floor. I continue the cuts down, down down, to my forearm. Then I switch hands, slitting my other wrist in the same direction.

It's not enough

I lift up my hospital gown and cut my thighs, everywhere. It was so pleasing to get all the frustration out.

I was interrupted by someone walking in the room.

"Brendon? You in the bathroom?" Shit. It was josh.

"Y-yeah" my hands were shaking, I tried to stand up but I couldn't. I dropped the scissors, josh knew something was wrong. Blood was running out the door.

"Brendon? You-you Okay?" His voice was shaky.

My vision was going blurry. I tried to unlock the door, my blood was everywhere.

Finally, the door was unlocked and josh ran inside.

"Brendon! Brendon what did you do? No, no" he hugged me, trying to pick me up. Everything was turning black.

"Nurse! I need a nurse! Please!" Some people ran in, I closed my eyes and let myself slip away.

Time skip

I was in a different room when I woke up. It was completely empty besides me. Josh wasn't even in here.

It took a few minutes before I realized what happened. What I did.

Whatever. I deserved it anyways.

A doctor walked in the room.

"How're you feeling Brendon?"

"Better" I lied. I have to be believable to get out of here.

"That's good to hear. Your...friend?" He paused "He really wants to come in here. Is that okay?"

"Yeah"

"Okay, drink this water too" he set a water bottle on the stand next to me.

I nodded and he walked out of the room.

I looked down at my wrists and I saw the bandages. I looked at my thighs, they were bandaged tightly as well to stop the bleeding. Those are gonna leave scars.

Josh walked in the room. He had tears in his eyes.

He walked closer to me. I saw the tears running down his face.

"I'm ok" i say

He hugged me. "I miss the old Brendon. I know all of this just happened, I just really miss you."

He pulled away and sat down on the bed. He looked at me in sympathy.

I hate that look

"Don't look at me like that" I roll my eyes and look out the window. It was raining, I wanted out of here.

I felt the tears forming in my eyes. "I'm fine"

"Yeah that's what you said last time. You're not fine!" His voice broke, he was crying.

Look at what I did.

"I didn't mean to hurt you" I look at him.

"But you meant to hurt you. That hurts me. Brendon I fucking care about you. Does that ever occur to you? Ever?"

"Josh, I'm lost right now. I have no fucking idea how...how I'm going to deal with this" I gesture to myself.

I wipe my tears, wincing at the pain in my wrist.

Josh turned away as he stood up, rubbing the back of his head.

"Let's...lets just lay down. I'm tired." I suggest.

He walked over to me and laid down beside me, wrapping his arms around me.

"I'm never letting anything bad happen to you again. I'm going to protect you even if it costs me my life." He kissed my cheek. "You are safe here with me"

I cuddled against him, lightly kissing his neck.

I drifted off to sleep in Josh's arms.

All I could've asked for.