Carnality (Roman Godfrey/Bill Skarsgard)

4

I felt my heart drop a little when I woke up to an empty bed. I shouldn't have been surprised; Roman would give me an inch and I'd go the whole mile. I felt comfortable in his arms- like my body was made for him. At the end of the day, he was the one that I was assigned to. I was given to Roman as his mate, his partner, his wife.

The program seemed long forgotten now. I was only here to breed offspring with Roman; make a stronger society of half humans and Upirs, but Roman didn't want children, and I didn't want them either.

So why am I here, then?

To be used.

Roman only wanted some fun; in return, he was going to give me a place to stay and some food. I could have those things at home, my real home, even though I was quite poor, I still had a roof over my head and a plate on the table.

So why haven't I left yet?

I wasn't trapped, I wasn't forced beyond my will to stay.

And then the frightening thought occurred to me.

I'm here because I want to be.

Despite the disappointment, the days of being ignored, the loneliness; I was still enraptured by Roman's charm. I'm his wife, I repeat in my head. I was too optimistic for my own good, I was hoping that maybe since I was Roman's mate, he would want me for who I truly am, not because he wanted to have some fun with a virgin.

He was brought into my life for a reason, and I was brought into his too.

The dreams of a future with Roman, happy husband and wife, seemed achievable yet impossible at the same time.

Could I really make him fall in love with me?

———

The days passed by slowly, with only glimpses of Roman within the house. Again, I spent my time alone or in the library, with all-consuming thoughts and a heart on the brink of panic.

It was a rainy Saturday night when I heard loud footsteps in the foyer. I had been floating around the house aimlessly, trying to find something that stood out. I was on the upper floor when I saw Roman stalk towards the front door. I looked over the bannister to see the intimidating figure, as suspected, dressed in all black. He swiftly opened the door and slammed it behind him, no word of goodbye; making me curious again as to where he runs off to.

I shrunk back from the stairs, sighing, as I let my thoughts wander again. Roman didn't care about me. He didn't ask how I was or tell me where he was going. The only time I even interacted with Roman was when he was about to use me for sexual pleasure. He said it himself, 'I want to fuck you'... 'I could use a bit of fun'... I'm so stupid.

In seconds, I had grown from pitiful to furious. I was furious at Roman for using me, for ignoring me, for making me feel special and then pushing me away, but most importantly, I was furious at myself for letting him in, letting him fool me... letting him touch me.

I rushed to my bedroom and began to pack my belongings. Hot tears streamed down my face as I viciously wiped them away. I was not going to let Roman Godfrey fool me anymore. I was not going to provide offspring, I don't care how much the Government and Health Societies needed it. They could give another girl to Roman because I am not the one.

I took a deep breath as I closed the suitcase. I only got a small number of clothes in there. It didn't matter to me, anymore. I just wanted to get as far away from him as I could.

I sat on the edge of my bed, trying to regulate my breathing as I thought through my plan. It was raining outside, dark and scary; I couldn't leave right now, even though I really wanted to. I thought back to all of the times I talked to Roman, 'I've been busy.'. I let him walk all over me. I let him avoid all of my questions. I let him touch me, for goodness sakes.