Chasing the End

seven

r i d e r

 Mary-Kate Walker died on July, 30 2013. Her death was breath taking (no pun intended). I shouldn’t start like this. This isn’t a way to start a chapter. I’m going to start when I got to the hospital.

I walked into the hospital, a black beanie covering my dark brown curls, while playing with my car keys. Dr. Smith was at the front desk, shuffling a few papers carelessly before she noticed me walking in, greeting me with a smile.

“Good morning Rider,” she greeted.

“Good Morning Dr. Smith. Can I see Mary-Kate again today?”

“I’m sorry, I wish I could. I got in trouble for letting you up there since you aren’t a family member.”

“Just tell them that I’m her cousin or something.”

“It’s not that easy Rider.”

“Yes it is,” I snapped, starting to lose my temper.

“Calm down. We’re taking her out on a ‘walk’ today, you can see her then. You’ll just have to wait.”

“I don’t want to wait. I want to see her.”

She sighed, dropping the papers onto her desk and looking at me right in my green eyes, her blue ones filled with stress. “You’re so desperate to see her. Why?”

“Because, the last time I saw her, it didn’t end well. And I don’t want to say something stupid before she dies.”

As soon as the word ‘dies’ left my mouth, I saw sorrow replace stress in her frosty eyes. Her lips parted and she visibly gulped before reaching into a small fishbowl filled with lanyards with credentials clipped onto them. She handed me one and I willingly put it around my neck.

“Rider,” she said before I could go down the hall. “You’re a good kid.”

“Thanks,” I replied before going down the hall opening the double doors at the end.

~~~

I stood in front of the door that led to Mary-Kate. It led to what could be the most heartbreaking thing I had ever seen in life. I didn’t like seeing her like that. I wanted to see the Mary-Kate that always wanted to stay in and watch the same movie over and over again instead of going out, the Mary-Kate who had one of the most perfect smiles I had laid my eyes on, the Mary-Kate that I and nobody else knows. I opened up a whole other side to her that she hid. She was scared and she didn’t even know it.

 A shaky hand travelled to the door knob, slowly twisting and stepping into the room. Mary-Kate was sprawled onto her bed, her eyes closed and her lips parted, short breaths falling out at an unsteady pace. She still looked flawless, even in the state she was in.

I closed the door behind me gently, trying not to wake her, and took a seat next her bed like I did the day before. I took her cold hand into mine and massaged it slowly.

“I know you probably can’t hear me, but I just want to let you know that I’m here,” I started. “I know you don’t feel the same way, but I really love, no matter how cheesy it sounds. I don’t want this to be all depressing.”

Her eyes fluttered slightly, but didn’t open all the way.

“Can you talk?” I questioned.

She shook her head.

“I just want to let you know that you’re flawless.”

She smiled and squeezed my hand that had become numb, possibly from being in the presence of her. She sat up in her bed and reached for my beanie, slowly taking it off my head, revealing my mess of curls. She put it on her head, covering up her short blonde hair, and smiled at me, her bangs spilling out the front of the hat.  

I looked around the small space of the hospital room, spotting her camera that I gave her on the nightstand, picking it up with a small grin.

“You brought it with you?” I turned the camera over, inspecting it, seeing her signature on the back.

She nodded. I brought up the camera to my face, attempting to take a picture. She covered her face, obviously not wanting a photo to be taken.

“Oh come on. Just one decent photo,” I begged.

She dropped her hand in her lap and smiled; a real, genuine smile. I almost forgot to take the picture, hypnotized by her beauty. I snapped the picture quickly before I dropped the camera. The small photo came out of the camera; I set it on the nightstand.

I brought my hand up to her forehead and felt it; her skin was ice cold. I frowned before she batted my hand away.

“I’m fine,” she croaked, her throat dry.

“You don’t sound, feel, or look fine.”

She stared at me. She just…stared. She gave me a harder gaze then the one I gave her when I first saw her. She glanced down at my lips and I knew what was bound to happen. And I knew that I wanted it to happen. She grabbed the back of my neck, coaxing me to come closer. I slowly leaned closer to her. The rest was pretty self explanatory. Our lips were moving in motions that were as old as time. She didn’t even have to tell me. I knew that she loved me. But it hurt me that she didn’t believe that she did.

When we pulled away, her chest as heaving up in down, her face flushed.

“Mary-Kate?” my eye widened slightly, my heart rate starting to pick up in panic.

Beads of sweat started to form on her forehead. I looked at the controls on her bed and clicked the large red button that I had assumed was the one that called for help.

“Rider,” she gasped, grasping my hand that was shaking uncontrollably. “I love you. I love you s-so much it hurts.”

It was right then and there that I was the happiest yet saddest man on the Earth.

~~~

Mary-Kate’s parents found out that she had died later that day. It was most depressing thing I had ever watched. Her dad holding her mother as she let out loud cries and sobs. I had never lost anyone close to me in my life. We had only known each other for a month. It felt as if she was the love of my life. I’m not into cliché crap and predictable sayings, but it felt as if we were made for each other. I don’t want to be cliché, but I knew that it was true and that’s how I actually felt.

When she died, I felt huge piece of me being pulled away. I felt empty. Everything was black and white, nothing seemed exciting to me anymore. I had lost all my sense of humor and every ounce of happiness. I was depressed. Just like how Mrs. Walker thought Mary-Kate was. I guess our story wasn’t your average love story. Usually one of the main characters doesn’t die in love stories. We didn’t have a happy ending. But I was fine with that. Happy endings are shit anyway.

 “All because you’re not happy doesn’t mean it’s the end.”