things have been hard, i must say
i'd like to say i'm fine, y'know,
and i do more frequently
but as tyler joseph once said
"i am not as fine as i seem"
pardon me,
i don't mean to make it all about myself
often i feel quite selfish
like i don't really deserve to speak
and all the things that hurt should stay deep inside me
but something in me knows
that it's not true
that i have the right to hurt
just as much as you
i don't think what i'm doing is normal
or even okay for kids my age
i don't think i should feel this numb,
feel this broken
like a puzzle missing all its pieces
i don't think my body should be littered with scars
or trashed with red ink
and purple smudges
i don't think my eyes should burn at night
and my chest should ache
just from crying so hard
so i'm exhausted enough to sleep
i don't think my voice should shake
everytime i speak aloud
or my hands should tremble
the second anyone seems angry
i don't think any of this is alright
but,
it seems everyone else does
i don't want to seem like i'm seeking attention
or begging for your pity
but good god,
everything hurts
i can't tell anyone
no one is there
and a drink of water
and some fresh air
will do me no good
repeat over and over
"i'm here"
but when it comes down to it
you're not
you're there,
with someone else
or yourself
and it's like i can't scream loud enough for you to hear
i am hurting, do you hear me?
do you care?
does anyone really?
august 7th
