initially, i didn't plan on writing this so early.
i told myself, when school ended, i'd do my best to survive this summer. i didn't have to get better, i just had to live.
but i came to the conclusion that it just wasn't going to happen that way
so i sit here in my bed, freshly awoken from yet another attempt to take my life.
failed, of course.
but i know i need to write this before it's too late, before it does work.
so here's a goodbye.
here's a goodbye to every starry-eyed lover i shared a bed with.
with intertwined fingers and bodies pressed close together.
with bright eyes and dumb smiles and hair that falls over our eyes as we giggle to ourselves.
with lips like sweet peaches, so addictive and soft.
perhaps i will never know what falling in love feels like again. but i hope i do.
one day i hope the warmth returns to my finger tips, one day in whatever afterlife we possess.
but in case i don't, here's goodbye.
and here's a goodbye to every best friend who once stood by my side.
im sorry i couldn't make you stay.
but im so happy you all found someone different, someone better.
still, i'll never forget the sleepless nights where we'd lay in bed and just laugh until the morning sun shone through the window.
or the midnight adventures to 7/11 where we were laughing so hard we could barely walk.
or all the times i broke down in front of you and you just held me until i couldn't cry anymore.
i miss having a friendship that was warm and pure, and i hope someday i'll feel that again.
but, in case i don't, here's goodbye.
here's a goodbye to all the beauties of my life.
a goodbye to every single sunset and sunrise i'll never see. your colours will forever be locked in my memory.
a goodbye to every artist i'll never hear again. music was a beautiful escape of mine, and i know i'll still have your lyrics trapped in my head all my life.
a goodbye to every small goal of mine. i know you must want to be fulfilled, but maybe some one can do it for me.
im sorry i could never be quite enough to fix anyone, but im glad i could at least numb the pain. im glad i was there until you didn't need me anymore, and i hope you see our memories the way i do.
im sorry to everyone and everything i hurt. im sorry to ever exist in your lives. i hope you can cope well with the news, don't fall apart the way i did.
im so sorry.
i love you so dearly.
goodnight, one last time.
-sincerely, me
