Love & Murder: An Eliza Winter Mystery

Truth

Eliza knew she wasn't going to be able to dig into the diary with Lucy around so as soon as Colin was out of sight, she rips her vanity drawer open and snatches the book out. She settles herself against the mound of feather pillows and tucks herself under her plush covers before opening the cover. She hesitates, not knowing if it was right to read entries Eliza knew wouldn't be related to the love affair, but she didn't want to miss anything either. If she skipped too far ahead, she might miss something important. She takes a deep breath and notes the date on the top right corner of the first entry. This was a fairly new diary, only dating back four months.

The first few entries are mundane, nothing exciting was happening in Penelope's Scarborough life, but she was hoping that would change when they went down to London for the summer. She then writes of her dreams, of her finding her husband in a crowded room. She'd waltz into it in a stunning gown, time would be at a standstill and he'd suddenly only have eyes for her. He'd steal her away from the party so they could be alone together somewhere quiet and then tell her of all the things they'd do if she'd have him. She wanted to travel the world, to be doted on and cherished. She wanted her friends and enemies to be jealous of her rich, handsome husband. Of her elevated title and spending habits. Everything Penelope was writing seemed outlandish, but never once did she hint at giving up everything for a simple country life. She seemed dead set on money, wealth and appearances.

Eliza's heart begins to race when she sees her name appear in an entry in July. She braces herself for her friend's honesty and as she scans the pages, tears pool in her eyes. She shuts the book and uses the back of her hand to wipe the wetness from her cheeks.

Penelope had worried about Eliza. About Eliza's social standing and awkwardness. She wrote that Eliza was a pretty girl, but she'd never out run her childhood trauma. That she never dealt with it properly and it's holding her back from finding love and making new friendships. She wrote that Eliza could end up a spinster and a pariah and that Eliza would be okay with that because that meant she'd never have to put herself out there. She wrote that Eliza's family money would have to buy her a husband, it would be the only way of finding one for Crazy Eliza Winter.

Everything Eliza thought about herself, Penelope put on paper. Colin read it; Anya may have read it. The last thing Eliza wanted was for people to feel sorry for her. To pity her. She could handle a lot, but she couldn't handle another bloody pity look!

She stuffs the diary under her pillow and extinguishes the light on her nightstand. She punches the pillow to fluff it up and then drops onto it, unable to calm her pounding heart.

Yesterday Eliza had given up on love. She didn't want to hurt again; she didn't want to feel the pain of losing someone all over. But now, seeing the thoughts her closest friend had of her, she felt she had to prove herself. To prove Penelope wrong. To prove society wrong. Eliza had tried to put herself out there, season after season. She tried making friends, but no one would let go of her past. Her parents sheltered her and kept her close, making sure they'd never lose her, but it only stunted Eliza's growth.

Eliza inhaled deeply. Letting the air fill her lungs to the point of bursting. She parts her lips and then releases all of her anger. Penelope wasn't being malicious; she was being honest. Eliza couldn't hate her for it. Eliza knows that if Penelope would have gotten a hold of her diary, there would be a few unflattering pictures painted of Penelope.

She manages to calm herself enough to fall asleep, but she had nightmares. Visions of a strangled Penelope haunted her and she found herself awake and sweating before sunrise. She sits up and pulls the diary back out from under her pillow. As much as Penelope's words cut her to the core, she knew she had to read on. She knew she still had to find justice for her friend.

She turns on the lamp next to her bed and read on until the sunshine spills into her room from her two large windows. When Lucy comes to wake Eliza, she's stunned to see her already awake, sucked into a small notebook.

"Did you sleep at all my lady? You look like you read through the night," Lucy asks as she pulls the heavy velvet curtains further back. Eliza finally pulls her eyes from the pages and says, "I did, but not well. I might actually linger in bed for a while longer."

Lucy nods and then looks to Eliza, she can tell Eliza had been crying from the puffiness still rimming her large green eyes.

"I can bring up your breakfast tray, but your mother will be frightened if she sees you like that my lady. May I suggest you nap before they return home?" Lucy suggests and Eliza sighs, she knows Lucy's right. Her parents will never leave her alone again if they return home to her pale, puffy and stuck in bed.

"I'll try. I do want to finish this and then I will have a bath drawn," Eliza tells Lucy as she flits about the room, starting her daily duties. She pulls Eliza's wardrobe open and pulls another violet dress out.

"What has you so engrossed my lady?" Lucy asks as her brown eyes narrow to look at the diary. She holds the garment in her arms as she crosses over to the vanity.

"It's Penelope's diary. I'm hoping it will shed some light on what she was doing during her final days," Eliza answers as she shuts the diary. She sighs and adds, "So far it's just a summary of her days. Nothing is jumping out at me screaming I am the one that murdered Penelope!"

"I know Lord Bradshaw has been pressuring Mr. Martin to speak with you about her. I'm thinking minutes after your parents return, his lordship will be pounding on the door, insisting on speaking with you," Lucy says and Eliza notices the small smile playing on her lips. She catches Eliza's eye as she replies, "I doubt that. Colin is a busy man, he doesn't have time to come over to St. James every night."

"I suspect he'll make the time," Lucy says as she opens Eliza's door. She grins at her again and then disappears down the hallway.

It's going to be hard to keep Colin's visits a secret from Lucy. She's Eliza's confidant and with Penelope gone, her only trusted friend. But she knows having a man in her room, after dark and without a chaperone could spell trouble. She doesn't want to put Lucy in an awkward position with her parents or the rest of the staff. Martin would have Colin's head for pushing his way into her room- not that Eliza stopped him.

Eliza sighs again, already feeling tired and she knows she should take Lucy's advice and nap before her parents return. But instead, Eliza grabs Penelope's diary and vows to finish July's entries before getting some rest.