A Journey Through His Soul

Still Love Him

People came and went around them, heels clicking, digging into crunching snow, people running to reach an obviously important meeting, or people on their cell phones wishing their families a merry Christmas, but for James everything stopped.

The world was just a solid and a mute ground underneath him, made for him, Just to support him through his bliss. Once he tasted her, he realized he was starving all along. He kissed her back longingly, a hand placed on her cheek, barley placed.

As for Jade, she had no idea why she did it, she knew it's because James was there, right before her, inviting, welcoming, likable. Yet really, was it because of her fury at Leo? or just because she wanted to move on vastly fast, or, and most likely, because of her grief, being broken up with for almost no reason at all? she wanted to prove her innocence, her white intentions, her loyalty.

maybe just to make him jealous? She wondered helplessly, although knowing she's not that person she's trying to be.

They broke apart, and their eyes met, James was still holding her cheeks, not getting enough of her.

But Jade didn't feel right, she wasn't smiling happily after it, nor was she upset, she was feeling quite empty, hollow, and she hated herself for it.

And a part of her knew why, but she pushed it aside.

"That was...sudden." He said, breathing heavily. She felt his heart beat from where she was sitting, his heat radiating off to her, he was there, very much there. Tangible. He smiled.

She opened her mouth, then closed it again shortly, not knowing what to say, what to reason her actions with. Does she like him? Does she really want to do this? She can't say anything yet, her emotions were a mess, and if she promises something, she'll regret it. Again. But if she doesn't, she may also regret it.

So she just stared at him blankly, unable to form words from her jumbled head. Only particular words kept spinning in her mind.

Regret, Leo, kiss, regret, Leo, regret, kiss...

"Jade?" He asked, scared for her to change her mind. "Please speak to me." He whispered.

"I..well...I should probably head back home." She said, getting hold of her purse. James furrowed his eyebrows, letting go of her face, slowly, confused.

"Right." He said. "Want me to...drop you off?" He asked, hopeful.

"No..." She said, looking at him, trying to choose her words carefully, she doesn't want to hurt him. "No need for that, it's right there." She pointed down a road. "My mother is probably worried, so it's okay I'll drop myself off. Thank you for today, James, I appreciate it, I really do. See you tomorrow." She said, already skipping away. She stopped, considering something, she walked back to him, and pecked him on his cheek. He smiled. She smiled back awkwardly, only then she walked home. She thought she owed him at least that much, after leaving without an explanation.

What do you want exactly, Jade? He asked, walking back home, confused, this time, yet humming his favourite song.
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Cold floors were Leo's best friends. He thought they were amazing, don't you? They're always by your side, they never leave, they know who you really are, it's where you open up, your vulnerability shows, exposes. They don't want to be there just cause you're popular, known, they're there through your low and high. There to numb you.

Tears reddened his eyes, slicing through his cheeks. That's why he chooses cold tiles, to numb the pain, maybe making him feel physically distracted, is better than his current frame of mind.