4321 | pjm ✓

no coincidence

⚀

Isn't it funny? How the universe works?

I thought I have forgotten. I thought I wouldn't have to deal with my emotions like this anymore.

I thought it ended.

But standing here in this lonely balcony,

G od, how do you make me doubt myself?

I hope you know what you're doing to me.

All my promises to myself, all my repressions, my self-control, my facade; all come crashing down and thrown out the window.

I hope you know I'm trying.

I've tried so hard, so hard to forget. But standing in the same place as you gives me flashes of memories I shouldn't even be thinking about. Emotions, that.. that I wish I'd feel again. But know I only feel them with you.

And I'm not with you anymore.

I hope you know I'm sorry.

When I left, I knew I left a whole lot more than my hometown. But I still left, didn't I? I didn't look back. And my heart ached everyday for it. You've taught me that a love like yours shouldn't be led to wait that long, yet I still took you for granted.

I hope you know..

I am scared to look at you.

I am scared to come falling back, deep down to where I would rather be in the first place.

I am scared you wouldn't look back and save me.

We ended up here in this balcony, just the two of us. Together but alone. Close, but not close enough. The cold wind sends shivers down our spines but it loses the battle to the raging heartbeats trapped in our ribcage. In my peripheral, I see you stand nearer by the railings like me. I don't move from where I am, arms resting on the same railings, staring into the night sky. I hold my hands together because I might do something stupid, like call you closer to me.

I hope you know how badly I want to do that.