The Flowing Alchemist [FMAB Fanfic]

29} Empty

!!! TRIGGER WARNING!!!

This chapter has some suicidal thoughts and stuff so if you don't want to read it then don't feel obliged. If you need help or just someone to cry on then message me and we can cry together sometime!

Anyway...

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Fire swirls around my ankles and dances up my legs, circling my body and encasing my arms. It burns.

Screaming in the sheer agony of being scorched, I only feel the flames burn hotter.

"(L/n)! (L/n), calm down or you'll bleed out!" A familiar voice commands as the flames seem to shift alliance.

They dull and I manage to breathe, opening my eyes to see Roy standing at my side.

I lose control of my vision and then my legs, falling back into darkness and meeting the juddering pain of hitting the solid ground.

"(Y/n)...-ay with m-...Maes?...(y/n)!"

My heart beat is so loud in my ears I can hardly make out what Roy is shouting at me.

"Maes..." I manage to croak out as tears spill from my eyes.

"Dead."

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"It's a miracle really, I don't know how you aren't dead right now." The doctor shakes her head in disbelief and gives me a long, pointed stare, as if trying to tell if this whole ordeal was some prank. "We fished a dozen bullet fragments out of your thorax alone, not to mention the damage to your spine and ribs. You're lucky to be alive."

I don't respond. I can't. How is any of this lucky?

Maes...

My eyes aren't puffy anymore, they're bone dry and have been for the past few days.

It's been two weeks since...that.

"I see you have requested to be allowed out today, are you doing anything fun?" Kindness drips from the woman's lips like blood and ignore her once more.

"...not much of a talker, eh? Well I'm afraid you can't leave yet, you're still very severely injured and we can't risk letting you outside of this hospital."

Eyes fixed on the wall ahead of me, I say nothing.

"Sorry, doc. This is one she can't miss." My head slowly turns to the doorway at the sound of his voice again and he nods his head at me. I return the gesture.

"B-but sir! I understand you are military but you can't just-"

"Quiet." I croak. "I didn't almost kill myself putting on this uniform for nothing."

Taking one deep gulp of air, I swing my legs over the side of the bed and stand myself up, wincing at the sharp agony bursting through my back and chest.

"Miss!" The doctor protests and rushes to my side, holding my arm tightly.

It takes very little strength to push her away and continue to move, forcing myself to walk as if I didn't feel like a bomb had detonated inside me, past Roy and out of the hospital.

We stay in silence as he follows me closely to his car, where I get in the back seat and he enters the passenger's seat.

"It's good to see you again, Lt. (L/n)." Hawkeye says over the starting of the car engine, glancing at me in the mirror.

Swallowing a lump in my throat, I simply nod and look out the window.

The car rolls out of the hospital, out of the town and eventually I'm surrounded by rolling green hills, speckled with trees. It might just be beautiful.

Then my eyes land on the church.

Hawkeye pulls the car into the gravel lot and parks it, leaving the vehicle to open my door for me as I heave myself out on shaky legs.

A whimper slips past my lips as I walk, my back and chest in absolute agony as I slowly hobble to the church doors.

"(Y/n), let me-" Roy begins, a hand reaching out to steady me.

"No."

My breathing is heavier, only worsening the pain in my lungs, as I finally push the wooden doors open and...just stand there...frozen.

I remember Maes telling me just how much he liked the smooth elegance and the smell of mahogany furniture.

Now it encases him.

The mahogany casket on the plinth taunts me as I shuffle slowly towards it, my vision blurry.

"(Y/n), people will be arriving soon...take a moment to say goodbye but after that," he breathes deeply before continuing, "after that you have to be a soldier. You have to be strong for his family."

I just nod, still hobbling towards the wooden box and relishing in the pain zapping through me. It's the only thing I want to feel now.

I run my fingers along its smooth, polished edge and finally feel the warm tears spill, running down my face.

My metal legs collapse under me and in a heap on the floor I let it all out. Every sob that tears from my lungs leaves the taste of blood in my mouth but I don't care.

"It should have been me. It should have been me! It should have....why?" I fitfully punch the ground like a toddler in the midst of a temper tantrum, throwing my head back and crying loudly.

It's ugly and it's painful but it's well deserved.

"It's ok honey, you did so well and I'm so proud of you - I'll always be proud of you!" My breathing stops at his voice as I whip my head up to see him crouched by my side, hugging me as his stubble scratches my forehead, "My little alchemist...I'm sorry I had to go. Promise me that you'll live for me, live and look after our family..."

"No! Maes! Please..." I cry, watching him fade away into obscurity, leaving me.

"(Y/n), the guests are arriving now." Roy's voice is rough and it makes me want to cry again but I remember what he said. Standing myself up I limp to his side to greet people by the door, wiping my tears away with the sleeve of my uniform.

I finish just in time for the doors to be pushed open and accommodate a host of older men in uniform accompanied by their wives, who head to seats and begin taking seats, solemnly chatting to each other. If he could see this he'd probably be pissed - all of us being glum and antisocial. Imagining it almost makes me want to smile.

"(Y/n)?" Motherly and warm, her voice catches my attention and before I can fully turn to face her she's hugging me. Gracia. "We've been worried about you! You've gotten thinner, are they feeding you well?"

Tears threaten to spill again but I choke them back and simply nod. It's hard to see her face without thinking of its distorted, morphing counterpart.

"I wanted to visit you in hospital, I know Maes wouldn't have wanted one of his babies to be alone in hospital, you know what he's like." She sighs shakily and hugs me tighter before letting me go. "As soon as you're out of hospital you're coming home, no excuses."

"...ok."

"Big sister?"

...