hard feelings [ poetry + vents ]

:)

first it was my grades dropping,

than i stopped caring about what i put in my body,

goals became even farther away,

my sleeping schedule was worse than ever,

my room always a mess.

my self esteem hitting an all time low,

all my confidence out the window.

i started to criticize everything about myself.

my scar filled body,

my personality,

my voice,

everything.

i thought nobody cared.

not family nor friends.

so i took the initiative.

i decided today was the day.

i stood there, pills in hand...

but i didn't do it.

it wasn't because i decided that it wasn't worth it,

or because i thought life may have more to offer,

or even because of my own family.

no.

i did it because i made a stupid promise to a girl.

a girl who'd i'd love to get to know but never talks to me anymore.

a girl who's friendship was so god damn important to me.

but i guess it wasn't to her. 

so now i'm in this loop.

for a while i'll be fine.

happy, even.

but then i screw one thing up and it all goes downhill.

and i want to die.

but i guess that's just how it is.

for me, at least.