Mosaics ~ N.H

5

May 26th 12:34 a.m.

Noel's Pov

I sighed in annoyance as I watched my bedside clock gain another 60 seconds.

I was irritated.

Irritated at not being able to sleep, irritated at having to hear my 'boyfriend' snore every night, irritated at feeling my stomach churn from lack of food, irritated of not having control over my life, irritated that I would have to wake up tomorrow and pretend everything was okay and I loved my job and boyfriend and life when I didn't.

I just didn't.

I couldn't.

How could you love something you're forced into doing?
No one asked me if I wanted this, no, they just assumed.
And at first it was great, but then things started changing.
The negative media surrounded my career like a dark cloud. I was being prodded for everything; my clothes, my hair (which is, in fact, naturally this color, thank you very much), how I spoke, my facial features, my actions, my family and friends and lastly the thing that truly broke me, my weight. The myth that you 'gain 10 pounds from the Tv', really was not a myth after all. I used to be so confident and now I can't even stand to look myself in the mirror.

It broke me, the fame.

And now God only knows what I would only do to get something as simple as fucking sleep, have a few moments of quiet where my mind didn't attack every decision I had made.

There was one thing I did have, hope.

I had hope because the series was ending, I had hope because I could break up with Austin, I had hope because one day I could stop pretending.

And that sole hope was what kept me alive every waking moment.

Super small A/N-

I see Noel as a Hayley Williams from Paramore bc she's greatttt
*que heart eyes emoji*

What about y'all anyone in mind?¿