Moon Rise (Ryan Magee)

nine

<guess who's back

back again

it me

sry i took so long

school is el stupido supremo>

<y/n>

My head is absolutely swimming as I bolt back to my apartment. I pass Suzy and Holly, who are making hot chocolate in the kitchen.

"That was fast- wait what's wrong?" I only hear part of Holly's remark before I'm under the covers, sobbing. They knock on my door, but I don't give them permission to come in. I hear their footsteps fade as they walk down the hall. 

After I've allowed the sobs to roll out of me, and I'm simply laying there, the occasional hiccup of a sniffle interrupting my breathing, I look up at the wall above my bed. My eyes almost immediately lock on the picture I took of Ryan. His skin illuminated by the moon, his lips slightly parted and his eyes narrowed as he gazes at the night sky. Instead of my chest swelling with happiness like it normally would, the photo makes my stomach jump unpleasantly. In a sudden burst of anger I reach up and grab the photo off of the wall and rip it up, letting the pieces fall haphazardly. Some land on the bed, some fall through the crack between my mattress and the wall. 

I realize that I've worked myself right up. Instead of crying, my cheeks are hot and my ears are ringing. I lay back on the bed and roll into my comforter, letting it consume me. I fall asleep without turning off the light. 

<fiddle dee dee it's a time skiperee>

The next morning, I wake up feeling like I was hit by a bus. It's almost like a strange sort of hangover. When you literally cry until you fall asleep, you wake up almost wanting to cry again. But I will myself to get up. I owe it to my roommates to at least explain the gist of what happened. I slump into the living room and see Suzy sitting on the couch, eating cereal. She's watching some documentary about a serial killer. If I was feeling up to making any sort of jokes, I know I'd have some material there. But instead, I plop next to her. She takes a bite of the cereal.

"So..." she says, looking over at me, "wanna talk about it?" 

"Well... I was walking upstairs and I heard this girl from my astronomy class talking- that girl Callie." Suzy scoffs and rolls her eyes. Yeah, Callie isn't the most popular girl in our house. "And she was with Ryan. I heard them talking about him coming in for a drink. He was flirting hardcore... then I turned around and saw them kiss..." Suzy puts her bowl on the coffee table and immediately wraps an arm around me. 

"Oh, y/n... I'm so sorry. Fuck him. Fuck her. They're cancelled." She strokes my hair and quietly reassures me that I'm better than her, I'll find a guy who really appreciates me, blah blah blah. I softly cry, with my head on her shoulder as the TV plays a reenactment of the serial killer cutting the heart out of one of his victims. Same. 

<ryan> <also time skip to the night before>

"Callie, what the fuck are you doing?" I gently push Callie away. 

"Come on, Ry, you know there's chemistry between us." She wraps a long piece of pale blonde hair around her slender finger before approaching me again. I step back. We're quiet for a moment before I hear some footsteps and a sniffle. I see a figure with a mop of  <h/c> hair rounding the corner to the next flight of stairs. I'd know that hair anywhere. 

y/n. I start to panic, knowing she would have seen Callie kiss me. 

"You okay?" Callie croons, holding onto my arm. "Come in, I'll get you a beer and we can-" 

"Callie, stop, okay?" I step around her so I can get a clear getaway. "I don't think this is gonna work out. I... I have feelings for someone else." The look on her face when I say this makes me slightly sad, but in the moment I really don't care. 

"It's y/n, isn't it?" She asks. Before I can answer, she lands a slap on my cheek. She whips around and heads back into her apartment. Before she slams the door, she almost screams at me, "THANKS FOR LEADING ME ON, JACKASS."

"That's fair, I guess." 

I spend the entire car ride cursing DingDong and Julian for giving me such shitty advice. Once I'm back in my apartment, I call Julian. 

"Hey, how'd your date go?" He asks as if my shot with y/n wasn't just further ruined. 

"Well, she kissed me"

"That's good!"

"No, it's not."

"Why?"

"y/n saw."

"Shit."

"Yeah." After arguing about if I should try to talk to y/n, Julian finally came to the same conclusion as me. 

"Well, I think you should wait it out. See if she brings it up first." Julian says, sympathetically. "And hey," he adds, "until then, why don't you come over and hang out with us for a bit? D and I worry about you living so far off with just your parents." I smile, thankful that I've got these two assholes in my life. 

"Yeah, yeah, I'll come over tomorrow." 

After our conversation is over, I decide that it's best for me to just sleep on it. But sleeping on it is hard when sleep is so elusive. All I see is the image of y/n crying because I'm such an idiot. 

Why am I such an idiot?

henlo i h8 myself sorry i was gone for so long