anyway, worst moments? Not really. But something I just feel like writing about.
It was some day, but some students were sent to stay in the cafeteria. So I was a happy bean, since I get to spend alot of time with my friends~~
I had tons of fun at least, we were playing with a balloon and this happened
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Lmaooooo so yeah, if u were there u would see how hyped I was until this moment.
My friends and I were watching supernatural on the screen, (or was it this spanish show???? Something rosa guadalupe) anywaaaayyys I noticed that two of my friends were texting back and forth. I was kinda conflicted cuz it's time to spend quality time together ya know. Get fresh air, use real eyes not electronics rn. (Yes im that type of person). My phone was on the opposite side of the table lying around somewhere, yet the ppl I'm trying to spend time with are more focused on mere screen.
So i thought, meh Ig it's more important. I'll admit I'm a bit of an attention seeker, so I was like pouty at first, but still tried to enjoy myself ya know. With the balloons and all that.
So one of the friends said to me to not worry about it cuz it was just about the situation in front of us. Aka. There were freshies in front of us in the midst of an awkward love triangle. I was thinking about it for a while too.
Knowing that itself, I was relieved, cuz I can get paranoid, if they were talking about me, am I being annoying????? But idk lmao
So trying to engage in the conversation, I turn to the other friend (friend2), with that said, I peeked on the phone cuz they didnt chat it on the group chat, and since I was already part of the conversation, which ig I wasnt bc friend2 pushed me away, disgusted with what I did.
Idk it was along the lines of "you need to mind ur own business" but it made me so sad. I tried holding back my tears (omfg tearing up while writing this lololol). That time I just stopped, took a step back, grabbed my phone, tried to smile, but I couldn't. I ended up pushing away ppl who tried to check up on me.
I knew I looked so fucking mad with what happened but IN ALL HONESTY it was more me trying to hold back my tears cuz what kind of pussy cries in the middle of nowhere and over something that "wasn't her business". I get it tho.
So I literally sat there, covered my face with my hoodie hood. And I just needed to get out of there. I needed someone to take me somewhere else and let me cry. But knowing my mind, I also thought, no one needed to deal with my irrational-ass self. I don't really deserve anyone's time ya know? I needed to stop being a pussy here.
But ig I grew some balls and grabbed isaura to the bathroom, and I BROKE OUT CRYING. It was endless tears. I lowkey hoped someone from our group tried to look for me, but I knew I wasn't that important. I got even more sad and thought I didn't have anyone who cared about me. Sigh
But after this experience, I just realized it's time to stop trying to depend on people now, I've gone so far with independence so I can't expect to have anyone I could turn to. Just grab someone to vent to ya know, and just be there for anyone.
I just hope this doesn't become a ticket to depression.
How am I gonna handle this type of experience again? Without anyone? I'm just scared :) I'd like to hope I'm strong enough to not break next time.
