A crazy love story.

Doubt's, lots of doubts

There a few days where I think a lot about myself and my own feelings. I'm so far, I need to block my feelings and doubts. I get crazy from them. Fleur ask me a few times a day of everything is all right. Every time I answered with the same words. "I'm okay." When she asked for the tenth time today, I burst and I shout to her. "Yes, I'm fine! Why you are so worried about me? Can you stop with asking? Take care of your boyfriend or get a dog or something! There is nothing wrong with me." Tom who is sitting next to me look like in shock. Even like Fleurtje. I stand up and go to bed. I brush my teeth and lay down on my bed. The tears run through my cheeks. The door get open. Tom is walk in. He is wearing only a black boxer short, what shows the shape of his body, perfectly. His chest is bare. I can look to his six-pack and his boxer short and what is hiding in it only. He say nothing. He lay down next to me. He wrapped one arm around me and put his head on my in t-shirt covered chest. The tears are still running. After a few minutes the tears stop running. This feel so good but it's not possible. This is the way we fall in sleep, together.

The next morning I don't know what to say to Tom. We take our breakfast and go to the set. We have a new day full of filming. I can focus on something else, to be Neville, who has no doubts about love. I forgot my feelings for a few hours. When we take our lunch, the feelings came back, very hard. I'll try to block them again. I feel bad, that I can't be honest to myself. That I can't be honest to Tom, I can't say him that I'm in love with him, I ruined our friendship with saying that. The friendship we have is more important for me than a relation with that handsome man. Against the people who I love, I'm terrible. I snarl to everyone. Only Fleurtje get noticed there is something wrong with me. But she doesn't ask me anymore. I heard her talking about that with Daniel, her boyfriend. I think she is afraid of me. That I burst to her again. There follow lots of the same day's. Weeks from blocking my feelings go through my life, I burst into tears. I'm in my sleeping room when it's happen. I can't block my feelings longer.