"You're not in love with him."
Repeated Yoongi to himself a month before the end of the year when every student was starting to search for someone to go to prom with and that him was secretly watching the boy he wanted search a girl.
"You're not in love with him."
He still repeated to himself at that prom night while watching the one he would have loved to go with, dance with a girl from his class. He, was alone, dragged here by Hoseok, his best friend, saying that without him it would be boring but still now he had left him alone to go dance and show everyone how good he was at it.
"You're not in love with him."
He kept repeating to himself when had came back home after that terrible night, crying all he had. Why was he crying ? He only appreciated him as a friend and only wanted to spend prom with, nothing much. That wasn't love. Yoongi didn't love anyone, he was okay being alone with Hoseok. Then why did he had the feeling of his heart being shattered ?
"You're not in love with him."
He had again said to himself when he had told him he had a girlfriend. They had became good friend since so it was normal for him to say that. But then what was that pain he felt in his chest ? He was maybe ill. But still he had faked being happy and wished him happiness with whoever she was. But even him, knew how faked his words were.
"You're not in love with him."
He had repeated just after Hoseok had told him the exact opposite. His friend thought that he was totally and purely in love but he was too shy to tell him. Hoseok also thought that his love wasn't one sided if it had one at least, and he hid really well his feelings.
"You're not in love with him."
He had wrote a hundred times on his notebook. He was stressed and that was the only way he had found to distress. Was wasn't he here ? He wasn't coming at school since one week and today was starting the last week of the school year.
"I am not in love with him."
He had shouted to Hoseok after the latter had begged him to go at his place to split the truth about his feeling because it was starting to eat him from the inside.
"You're not in love with him."
He was repeating to himself when he saw him coming back on the last day and that he felt himself unconsciously smiling at that sight. Smile that soon faded into embarrassment when he took place next to him and then into worry when he saw how pale and thin he looked.
"You're not in love with him."
He said to himself since the start of their holidays he was only talking to him, went hanging out with him two or three times in a week. They were even sleeping at each other's house. They had found a passion in common : composing. So they spent days trying to imagine lyrics and new sounds, imagining a life of composing together for the biggest of this world. And what was that little joy he felt when he told him he had broke up with his girlfriend ? It certainly wasn't a reaction to have when a friend is sad.
"You're not in love with him."
He was saying when he saw him disappear once or twice a week without giving a single news and then coming back like nothing happened saying he was just a little busy. He was worried for his friend, he knew that he was hiding something from him.
"You're not in love with him."
Said Yoongi to himself when one night he had a panic attack while they were sleeping at the oldest's house. And that the latter had no other choice that calming him by taking him in his arms and rocking him like a baby, ignoring everything he was feeling at that time, due to the contact a little too close with his friend. But were they really friends after all ?
"You're not in love with him."
He was repeating to himself between sobs after he had revealed he had a cancer and he didn't know if he would survive. He had maybe chances to be okay but they were tiny. Yoongi was maybe going to lose someone really important to him, certainly the one that mattered the most. But no, he wasn't in love with. Not at all.
"You're not in love with him."
Was saying Yoongi to himself when he heard that he wasn't going to university for now because of his cancer and that an operation that could maybe save him was programmed in December. He repeated it once again when, at home, he cried. Tears of joy, and sadness. Of joy because he had a chance to be saved. And of sadness because he was worried for him and he already missed his face. He was scared to be alone, Hoseok being in a dance school.
"You're not in love with him."
He repeated a last time before entering the hospital that day of his friend's operation. He was scared, that was maybe the last time they talked. The operation had very little chances to succeed, no matter how good the surgeon could be. The body only needed to accept the changing that was made in him and it was worked like two or three times on fifteen try.
"You're totally in love with him."
Said Yoongi to himself when, not long before he was going to be transferred in the operation room, Kim Namjoon had whispered "I'm in love with you Min Yoongi. Since the beginning." They had kissed gently and in the sweetness of the kiss he had forgotten to answer. The surgeons had then took him away.
"You're totally in love with him."
He was saying to himself again and again for three long hours where he regretted not answering. Namjoon was still there being cut in pieces to save him. He was so freaking scared. Hoseok had even came to calm him and in his arms, Yoongi had cried, letting everything he felt out for the first time in now six months. "im in love with him Hoseok. I understand it now and he's maybe going to die. He loves me too and I'm going to lose him without even saying that I loved him too. I love him more than anything Seokkkiiiie."
And tired of crying, he had fallen asleep on a proud Hoseok. He was right. Soulmates. He had found soulmates. They were exactly the same.
"He's madly in love with him."
Had thought Hoseok when he had woken up his best friend about ten minutes after that the doctor had announced the operation successful or not. And it was with a stern face that he had dragged Yoongi to the room of his second best friend. Yoongi had resisted the urge to cry and not enter, with Hoseok's face he had understood that he hadn't made it.
"You're totally in love with him."
Had thought Yoongi when he had opened the door to see a smiling Namjoon that was watching him with tears in the eyes. His heart had missed a beat and his first reflex had been to hit Hoseok then he had ran to take Namjoon in his arms. And it was in the rush of the moment that he had kissed him, putting all his worries and love in it, taking Namjoon aback, still weak from the operation. Still it was very sweet, being only his second kiss since he was fifteen. A romantic moment quickly ended by their dumb best friend that had started to scream like a fangirl while showing his phone. And Yoongi had understood that he had recorded them.
"You're totally in love with him."
That sentence. He hadn't said it to himself since years. He preferred to say it to the one he was in love with. Maybe he didn't say it much but he was showing it well. They had achieved their dreams and were now composing for three young boys : Jimin, Taehyung and Jungkook. And Hoseok was their choreographer.
Anyway, five little years later he had said it again to himself while contemplating the ring around his finger. And god he loved being cheesy as fuck.
