The Maid

3.

Carmen p.o.v.:

I was swiftly enclosed by a cloud of consciousness gazing off into space.

I felt as if my dormant feelings were swirling and curling around my heart, like vines ,creating a small, diminute infatuation with the blue-eyed man. 

I instantly loathed myself. I felt as if the air was leaving my body leaving behind a hard, cold shell.

  Had my heart not learned its stupid lesson.

Cursing at myself, I stood up ,papers crushed in hand, and marched  in a very aggravated manner to and out the Caffe's door. The gloomy, sober day was practically reflecting my new found foul mood. As I strolled towards my apartment I felt the heavy tempo of the rain against my skin. This made me stomp harder against the pavement, stupid useless tears making their slow appearance. Brimming with feelings I refused to let out, I felt as if my soul was fighting my body. 

Almost as if looking for a crack; ready to let out loose.

Pushing the front door open, I slammed it shut; a loud bang resonating through the old apartment. Rushing towards my room I furiously rubbed my eyes clearing any signs of tears.

  Crying doesn't solve anything.

 Forcing myself to breathe in and out instantly helped me. I then once again forced myself to act, feel, breathe and even think calmly.  Fake it till you make it. With my body shaking from the unrelenting tremors attacking my body I did my best to turn to my nightstand knowing well I had to dig for my most prized possession.

 Most people would consider maybe a ring, pearls, money, or other materialistic objects as precious but to me it was just a simple photograph. Pulling it from its safe heaven I was immediately overclouded with its memories. As I studied it a loud sob broke through my lips even as I fought hard against it. No matter how hardly my jaw clenched and my teeth gritted against each other it did absolutely nothing to restrain my broken whimpers. My temples almost twitching with the strain I am once again putting them through.

  A slow, mellow rain transformed into a harsh, unrelenting hurricane.

 A sob slowly but surely became a cry.  Pulling along with it the unshed tears I had desperately tried to hold back. Laying onto my bed I curled myself into a ball holding for dear life my broken dream. My mindset was slowly turning into a swirling dark abyss one which I knew was hard to crawl out of. I cried and cried until I felt darkness sweep over me almost effortlesly..

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Stirring up from my bed, I began to feel shame churn in my stomach. 

Had I really allowed this to happen to me again?

Will this weight ever leave my shoulders?

Ignoring the shadowing thoughts that seemed to never end; I decided to distract myself with work. It seemed to be the only diversion my life depended on desperately. Always packing my week with hard work to forget and think less. I become almost a robot while doing so but it was sufficient to me. Lifting myself mentally and physically I left my bedroom in search for the employment papers. Finding them scrunched near the front door, I sighed bending down to retrieve them. Flattening the papers out I began to walk towards the old mahogany table, my phone in hand. 

Pulling out the first page I began to type down its number on my phone. Praying to receive good news I pressed the green call button. As it ringed I felt a lump in my throat rise. Anxiety slowly crawling along with it; determined for attention. 

You got this. 

Enunciate. 

Pause.

 Breathe in and out.

My motivational speech was suddenly interrupted by a hurried voice. "Hello, Miller Residency. How may I help you?"

Pulling in a deep breath I began.

"Hello, I am calling to see if the housekeeping position is still available. I am very interested and would like to work with you.", I said through the phone hoping for best. Making sure to take my time to enunciate the words as correctly as possible.

"Ohh I'm sorry someone has already taken the position. I must have forgotten to remove the ad, I'm very sorry for the confusion.", the woman replied perfect English rolling off her tongue. With a disappointed sigh I thanked her before hanging up and lifting up the last copy.

Por favor no me falles.

Typing down the last and only number left I pressed the button. The ringing ended almost as soon as it began leaving me distracted for a moment. 

"Hello, this is the Coleman residency. Mr. Coleman is currently not available but if you would like to give him a message I would be happy to deliver it.", said the woman with a warm, soothing tone.

Taking in another deep breath I repeated my rehearsed lines.

"Hi, I..I am actually calling to see if the housekeeping position is still available. I am very interested and would like to work with you.", cringing at how strong my accent came out throughout the small sentence. I know its inevitable but I wish my heavy accent wasn't always surrounding me like a lost puppy. 

"Really, ohh..ohh okay" the woman rushed seeming happy. "Let me get a pen and paper really quickly honey", she hurried out, her fast steps were heard even through the phone. 

"Okay.. honey, what's your name?", she said slightly out of breath.

"My name is Carmen.. Carmen Santos", I replied pride somehow making its way through my voice.

 "Ohh what a lovely name dear. Carmen, are you available to maybe pass by today so we could talk about the details for this job. It is not much but I would very much like to get you started as soon as possible ." she said, bringing a smile to my face. 

"Sure..Sure I'll be there." After giving me the directions to my destination I hanged up. Making sure to thank her immensely.

Running to the mirror I fixed my tangled hair into a low ponytail before charging to my closet. I pulled out a simple white shirt with blue jeans along with it brown leather jacket. I tied my shoes and examined myself through the mirror making sure I was presentable. With that I grabbed my phone and keys and left right through the door..

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