Beyond the Clouds

chapter 4

Chapter 4

Delhi

"I am so sorry, Nikhat." She said under her breathe. It broke Nikhat to see her mother this weak. She wanted the last image of her mother to not to be tied up to hundreds of wires, blowing life into her.

"Not now Ma, no words of regret and remorse now. Look, I even wore Indian wear today so tell me how good I look." Nikhat said, holding her mother's hand tightly. Her childhood fear of losing her mother was catching up strong, as she tried hard to get rid of it. Her mother laughed, which came out in short spurts of breath. "You always look good, my soul."

Nikhat smiled, looking down. She didn't know whether she could continue putting up the façade of being completely okay with this situation anymore, when all she wanted was to completely disappear into her mother's arms, powerless, like how she used to. But instead, this time it was her mother who was powerless.

"The first time someone looked down at me was my mother. And the last time, its you. I don't think there's anyone as remotely as lucky as me." Her mother, Suraiya, wheezed. Nikhat silently let a tear out, which was followed by numerous other tears. She let out shuttered breathes, as she fell onto her mother.

"Sshh now, not now. I don't want to go like this. Please don't cry, my soul. That's not what I want to see. I want to remember you as how you were. An independent woman who I raised who will carry on even if I am not there." Suraiya said, raising her hand to comb through Nikhat's hair.

"There's something I want to tell you." She said, her voice weaker than usual. It alarmed Nikhat, as she got up and placed both her hands on her mother's, and held it close to her chest. "Tell me."

"There's a letter in the cupboard at the corner. It has everything I have always wanted to tell you, but you would never listen. Please do read it."

She nodded, shamelessly letting tears prod her cheeks. "Anything else?"

"Nothing else, my love. Everything I will ever want for you is in that. I want you to know that those in love should be forgiven, no matter how much it breaks your heart." She smiled.

Nikhat nodded, wiping her tears and smiling. "I love you."

"I love you too, my soul. You were my best decision, no matter what anyone said." She said.

Nikhat sat holding her hand, as she saw the life slip out of her mother. She wanted to remember her mother just like this, so peaceful. Her mother was the most beautiful person ever, but she looked at best when she was not in pain, when she was peaceful. Cancer had taken away her peacefulness, and now, it had taken away her mother as well. She was beautiful, as magnificent as a moon. And now, she had received peace.

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"Everyone who knew Ma knew that she wanted a very peaceful death. Her disease however wasn't very kind. She had suffered a lot of pain, has woken up due to convulsions and had traumatizing chemotherapy sessions. She wasn't under any kind of pain when she passed, I can assure you that. She was peaceful and calm, and very happy. No one should think of her as that person who cancer took, instead, remember her as the person who fought with cancer singlehandedly, till she made it compromise to give her no pain and then take her away. She made sure, that even death listened to her." A few of her mother's friends laughed. Nikhat smiled, as she received many hugs and pats on the back from a few close relatives. She was happy that her mother was in a good place, where she would have no trouble taking in and giving out breathe, but she felt alone. For the first time in 28 years, Nikhat felt alone, despite all the people.