Oh God Not Again!

Chapter Thirty One

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

Note: You know what's really annoying? People complaining about things in a story that aren't actually in there. For instance, Harry being a pedophile by immediately going out with the girl of his choice even though he's mentally older. 'Oh, you mean Harry was married? Clearly he must want to molest poor ten-year-old Ginny!' I think there's almost a ridiculous lack of romance in this story right now and Harry is well aware of the squick issues. And Hermione must be receiving favoritism because in some of the first chapters she picked up on a little innuendo the others didn't get because she's intelligent and didn't fear saying 'Voldemort' during the first week of school when she probably had never heard anyone tell her not to say it? And STOPPING reading a story because you hate the word 'emo'? I mean, I understand stopping if you hate the plot, characterizations, pairing…but one word? Sorry for the mini-rant, but it was quite distracting as I got that when I was trying to write this…

It occurred to Harry later that he really could have handled the picture situation a lot better than he did. For instance, he could have blown the camera up, petrified Draco, used a switching spell, summoned it…basically anything but what he did, which was absolutely nothing. Draco, on the other hand, sent the photo of the Boggart straight to Rita Skeeter, who wrote "Dungeons and Drag: The Secret Life of Harry Potter" which wasn't just an article, but a series of articles. Harry, naturally, had responded by suing for libel and won, forcing the Daily Prophet to print a retraction. The Wizarding World at large seemed to have forgotten about it by early October but the Hogwarts students…

"Hey Harry," Lisa Turpin, a Ravenclaw from his year, greeted him. "I was wondering if you could sign my new Harry-in-drag wall scroll?"

"Draco's selling wall scrolls now?" Harry asked incredulously.

"Oh yeah," Lisa nodded enthusiastically. "He said he got the idea from you and your incessant merchandizing you've been doing since last year."

"Damn him," Harry muttered, wondering whether he should drop that Narcissa-the-secret-Malfoy rumor after all or whether he really deserved this for the widely-accepted Snape-as-Draco's-father story he created. In fact, Sirius said that just last week Snape had gotten a letter from a lawyer offering to help him sue for partial custody of Draco. Needless to say, the Potions Master was not amused. Fortunately, he'd been riding so high ever since Rita Skeeter's first article came out that this new drop in mood just meant he was pretty much back to normal.

"So…will you?" Lisa asked again.

"Oh, fine whatever," Harry sighed as he took out his decidedly Muggle pen and quickly signed it.

"Thanks, Harry, you're a good sport," Lisa said cheerfully as she hurried away.

"Do you think I can persuade you to sign them before I sell them?" Draco's voice came from behind him. Harry turned around to watch the Slytherin staring at him with obvious amusement. "It would probably be worth more."

"Would I get a cut in the profits?" Harry asked automatically.

"Ten percent," Draco offered.

"Twenty," Harry countered.

"Fifteen," Draco compromised.

"Deal," Harry smiled. "Now you've got to tell me: why in the world were you in the teacher's lounge that day? I mean, were you stalking me or something? Or do you just take pictures of Hogwarts in your spare time?"

"I ran into Professor Snape a little after Potion's class," Draco explained. "He told me to get a camera and hurry to the teacher's lounge. I didn't have one, so I had to borrow Pansy's-"