Life moves in a circle. From new people coming and loving you to leaving you. But when it repeats again and again you feel like you're dying but that's actually the moment when you're living. Just like me right now. I'm not even sure if I wanna live anymore but, I don't want to die either. That's why I find those words the warmest..
2015
Sunday
I'm sorry please forgive me
Monday
Hey I miss you please reply
Tuesday
Did I hurt you? I definitely did. Please tell me what I did. I'm sorry. Please just reply
Wednesday
Hey I know you're seeing these messages I'm waiting for your replies
Thursday
If you mean the lyrics of the song hello by Adele then I'm sorry too
Friday
I miss you..... Please.....
Saturday
I'm sorry if I did anything. Won't you reply?
Weeks pass. Months pass. Everyone talks with me normally in the online game group chat. Only A was missing. The guilt killed me inside. He was my first friend after R. Maybe I was just an online random girl to him, but he meant a lot to me. Because of him I was able to let the hell go and start a new life. And I was grateful. So his sudden disappearance made me feel extremely guilty and miserable. I cried at nights. I missed him. I never thought a virtual someone could ever mean this much. I just wanted him in my life. But I was helpless. A lot.
On the other side, one of his friends were J. He was a funny guy. If anyone leaves you, the time doesn't stop. So I started to move on from A and decided to forget him just the way he forgot me. And forced myself to believe that he was just a friend to me, it was just my immature feelings and all the wildest dreams about him I had, those were just childish stuff. All the times I spent stalking him on the social medias are just random stuff and it's GONE. he's GONE. He's a CLOSED CHAPTER.
I focused on making friends. J motivated me a lot. We were great friends. I got close with my bestfriend. And eventually I made a lot of friends. I was on cloud 9 I'd say. But the guilty trips never left me. So I told my friends about A. They consoled me. But it still wasn't enough. It was hard for me to accept that he no longer exists in my life.
