-We are going to have a new family member!!
-let me sleep
-you don't want a sibling?
-WHAT?!
2017
Mom was pregnant. I was really happy and excited. That say when dad woke me up like that, I just called my bestfriend and met her and celebrated it. But after around 5 months the baby couldn't survive and mom had to take abortion.
Dreams.
Somehow even though I had my bestfriend, she wasn't there for me when I needed her. I couldn't deal with anything. So I decided to take a break from everything again. The same old way of taking space.
Leaving social medias, not going outside my room, not doing anything, crying for no reasons until I feel nothing etc.
I talk with Mr.X all day when I'm on a break. Or just spend hours looking at the sky drinking coffee, a super sad song playing on the background. And staring at the ceiling until I could fall asleep. And constantly telling me that,
I ruin everything I touch.
It was weird. When I closed my eyes and thought about all the people who meant a lot to me, I was always the last person on their list. I was no one's first option. But I was ready to do anything for them.
It was weird. When I opened my eyes at midnight and looked at my left, I'd always see my brother on the floor, lying on the sea of blood. Mom infront of my desk, dad hanging. Hallucinations but it felt so real. I couldn't feel it but I saw it. Every single night they died in a worse way. That's why I never turned the lights off when I sleep. I told my bestfriend about these and she called me schizophrenic. I felt lonely and scared.
No one asked me how I was doing. No one noticed that I wasn't there. No one cared.
No one.
