Relapse Again

6

With Laylah and Allison gone, it's just Sofia and me now. But, of course, I'm going to push her away. Like I did when Eli died. Like I did when my dad died. Like I'll do when I'm going to die.

"Evie, EVIE!" Mason yells.

"What?" I say coming out of a daze.

I look around and there's a bunch of people staring at me.

Mason leaves the room so I follow him. "Are you okay?" He asks.

My back is pressed against the wall. He's standing right in front of me. My mind flashes to last night with Felix. Where his lips went. Where his hands went.

SNAP OUT OF IT EVIE!

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"Did you do something with Felix last night?" He asks.

I stay silent.

"God, Evie," He says.

"I'm sorry," I say as tears fill my eyes.

"I'm not mad," He says trying to make things better.

"I'm sorry," I say as I break free from between the wall and him.

I run to a separate room and lock the door.

I pull out my phone, find Felix's name, start typing.

Me: I need you

Felix: I'll be right over.

Me: Bring some stuff too

He sends a thumbs up.

I go downstairs to where the youth group is. I walk in, Mason perks up when he sees me.

"I'm going to head out," I say.

"Evie wait," Mason says getting up to talk to me.

But I leave. I go home. I don't talk to Mason.

I pave the living room waiting for Felix to arrive, my hands shake with anxiety, my breathing quickens. Felix knocks on the door slightly, and I swing the door open. He holds up a bag of cocaine and smiles. I grab his shirt and bring him in. Kiss him on his neck and then bring him into the kitchen/dining room area.

"Your mom's not home?" He verifies.

"Correct," I state. 

He pours the cocaine out and makes some lines with his credit card. My phone buzzes on the table. I ignore it. 

I breathe in the white powdery substance and look up at Felix with a big smile on my face.

Finally

This is what I want. This is what I need.

Felix smiles back at me and suddenly we're kissing again. He's taking my clothes off. I'm taking his clothes off. Everything moves so fast.

Next thing I know, we're in my room, he's getting his clothes back on and I'm laying on the bed with no clothes on. 

"Until next time," He says as he leaves. 

I stare up at the ceiling smiling.

My phone continues to buzz. 

"Hello?" I say.

"Evie," Mason says. "It's about time you pick up. I've been calling you for three hours."

"I'm sorry, Mason," I say. "I'm just so happy right now."

"The fuck you on?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Are you at home?" He asks.

"Yeah," I say.

"I'm on my way over."

"Okay Masy, see you soon."

But I fall asleep. 

Or black out.

I'm not really sure.

Next thing I know, Mason is in my room. Thank goodness I'm under the blankets.

"Evie," I looks at me.

I smile at him. "Mason, I'm just so happy."

"Goodness, girl," He says. "Put some clothes on."

He walks into my closet and finds something for me to put on. 

"Are you high?" He asks.

I smile at him. "I might be, I don't really know."

"What did you have?"

My smile fades. My mood changes in an instant. "Why are you always so mean to me?" I practically yell. "I just want to have a good time, but you're always over here yelling at me to do something better. Or judging me for the things I choose to do. I can do what I want."

"Evie, I'm sorry." He says. He hands me the clothes and proceeds to turn on the light. 

"Turn the light off," I complain.

I manage to figure out how to get the shirt and sweatpants on. "Let's go upstairs," He says in a I'm-literally-talking-to-a-child voice.

But it gets me more happy than angry, so I guess he's smart with that. 

We walk into the kitchen/dining room area. He sees the mess Felix and I made and just sighs at it.  

"Shit," He says under his breath. "How much did you have?"

"I dunno," I say hoping around him. 

He sighs. "I'm staying with you until you come off this high."

I smile at him. "I'm just so happy you're around all the time man. I'm just so happy. Look how happy I am."

"Are you hungry?" He asks looking in my fridge.

"Only for you," I put my hands on his chest and slowly lower them towards his pants.

"Evie!" He shouts. "No!" 

"Why not?" I ask walking closer to him.

And for a split second I think maybe he's about to go for it.

"No," He says sternly.

I start to come off the high 2 hours later.

"I have to go to the bathroom," I say as I go into the bathroom. 

I stare at myself in the mirror. I look like hell. My make up is messy, my hair is coming out of a messy bun, I look tired in general. I start crying. I fall over. Unable to control these emotions.

Mason comes in and sees me on the floor. He crouches down. "What happened?" He asks. 

"I don't know how to stand," I cry.

He helps me up and I lean onto him.

"Are you still high?" He asks. 

I stare at him with tears in my eyes. "I don't know," I whisper.

He just shakes his head at me. "I want you to get better," He says. "I want what's best for you."

"I don't know what's wrong with me," I state.

His lips twitch at the sides. "Try to go to sleep,"

He helps me into the bed and makes sure the blankets cover me nicely. As I'm closing my eyes I see him laying out a blanket on the floor. "You can sleep up here," I say. "With me."

"You sure?" He checks.

I nod.

He gets into the bed with me, and puts his arm on me to help keep me warm. I smile--a real smile--shows up on my face as I drift off to sleep. I probably won't remember this when I come off this high.