Relapse Again

7

I get out of the shower still looking like a mess, even a week after I got high. I get dressed and head to school, not even bothering to do my make up.

"It's your last year of high school," I tell myself as I walk in. "You can do this."

"Hey," Mason says when he sees me. It's the first time we've seen each other all week. "Feeling better?"

I stare at him, having little to no recollection of last week. "Did I... tell you about what happened?"

He smiles a bit. "I was there."

I practically drop my phone. "Why?"

"I was worried about you," He says smiling at how scared I'm getting about the situation.

"You were?" I ask. "Wait, did we...do anything...?"

He shakes his head and hugs me. "No," He starts walking to his class. "But you wanted to."

This time I do drop my phone, out of shock.

School goes by quickly and next thing I know I'm skating to the park to sit in the makeshift tree house.

I lift myself inside and sit down to do my homework. Sofia should be here. We both always do our homework together.

I wait 10

20

40 minutes for her to show up. She never does.

I decide to call her. It goes straight to voicemail. "Hey Sof," I say after the beep. "I dont know where you are, but I thought we were going to do our homework in the tree house like we always do... I hope you're okay. Text or call me when you can."

I wait 3

5

10 more minutes until my phone dings. But it's Mason.

Mason: hey, u doing anything?

Me: Homework in the treehouse

Mason: With Sofia?

Me: Nah, she never showed up. It's ok tho

Mason: I'll come over if you're still there.

Me: ya i'm gonna be here for a while

15

20

25 minutes I wait for Mason to show up. In that time frame Sofia texts me

Sof: Hey sorry i forgot to tell u

Sof: I decided to hang out with someone else this evening

Sof: it might become a daily thing idk

Sof: but we just got out of a movie 

Sof: I can come over to the treehouse if you need help with your homework

Sof: I already did mine.

I stare at the texts. 

Me: Who were you hanging out with??

Sof: Jessica

Jessica hurt us a long time ago. She played us. She used to be in our group of friends, but she did something to us a couple years back. Something I thought was unforgivable. But, I guess not.

Me: Don't bother coming, I'm almost done anyway

Tears fill my eyes as I hit send. I bet they're gonna be better friends. They're gonna end up being best friends. Sofia's gonna forget about me. Like everyone else did. Like everyone else will. 

"Hey, you okay?" Mason asks stepping into the tree house.

I stare at him and wipe my eyes. "Yep."

He squints his eyes at me. "That's a lie."

"Yep," I say as I lower my head.

"What's going on?" He asks.

I take a deep breath. "Do you remember the stuff that happened with Jessica a couple years back?" He nods. "Turns out, the second 2 of my friends leave, Sofia thinks it's okay to leave to. She fricking back stabbed me. Apparently she and Jessica are now besties."

"That's rough," He says. "I'm sorry Evie."

"It's fine," I say as I wipe my eyes. "It'll be fine. I need to focus on school right now." I tap my homework.

We work on homework for about 30 minutes but we get interrupted by talking too much.

"Oh man," Mason says laughing. "Remember when Laylah would try to set us up?"

"Oh my goodness," I laugh. "That was so awkward."

"I think that's what really brought us closer though." 

"It's true," I smile. 

"Have you ever actually thought about dating?" He asks. "Like for real?"

I lean closer to him while still maintaining eye contact. "I dunno," I say.

His eyes bounce to my lips and back. I'm suddenly overwhelmed with the feeling of self consciousness. "Last week it really seemed like you did."

I raise my eye brows while slowly leaning my head a little closer to his. "Have you?" I ask not sure if this is actually a good idea. 

He smiles. "Yeah."

And then it happens.

Mason kisses me.

And it's like nothing I've ever felt before. It actually feels real. Like this is something I could get used to.

Wait

Am I faking this feeling? Do I actually feel this way or is it just making up for the feeling of loneliness?

I push him away. "I'm sorry," I say as I leave the tree house. 

I don't even bother to take any of my stuff with me. I just want to get home and tell Allison about this. Or Sofia. I bet they'd be able to tell me what I'm supposed to do. I bet they'd be able to set up a cute way of me telling Mason that I actually do like him. But they left me. I can't talk to them.

I contemplate turning around. To apologize again. To tell him it's not him, it's honestly me. It's me, not you, Mason. I have problems. There's something wrong with me. I actually do like you. It's not your fault. I'm broken. I'm dealing with a lot right now. I like you. The kiss was great. I want to kiss you again and again and over and over. 

But I don't.

I don't turn around. 

I don't tell him it's not him it's me.

I don't tell him I have problems.

I don't tell him there's something wrong with me.

I don't tell him I like him.

I don't tell him I want to kiss him again.

I don't tell him anything.

I

don't.