Finding Emma

four

"What's wrong?" are the first words I hear from Bradley as I get in his car the following morning.

I hand him a cookie, plastering a confused smile on my face. "Sorry, what do you mean? I'm good." I don't want to get into the events of last night with Bradley first thing in the morning. Actually, I don't want to discuss the events with Bradley at all.

His face contorts, dark eyebrows scrunching together. "You don't look good."

Truth is, he's right; I don't look good. My hair is a little mussed in its ponytail, I'm wearing one of my dad's old college crewnecks, and I didn't bother with any makeup this morning. Certainly not normal Emma Russo, but I think the situation allows me to be a little lazy.

"I just had a rough night," I respond, which isn't a total lie. 

Bradley frowns and leans in to place a soft kiss on my forehead. "You know you can talk to me, right?"

I smile again, nod, look away. "I know. But really, I'm okay. I just didn't get a lot of sleep."

Also not a total lie.

I reach over to turn on the radio on low, promptly ending the conversation. The music thrums to a light beat as Bradley drives us to school, eating his cookie quietly. The tension feels suffocating. My mind is still reeling so fast that I've developed a migraine. I quickly backtrack through my summer, bits and pieces of memories flashing through my brain like a slideshow. Were there clues? Could I have stopped this?

The abrupt stopping of the car pulls me from my web of quickly spiraling thoughts. I didn't realize we had already arrived at school. Bradley gazes at me carefully. "Ems?"

"Hm?" I unbuckle my seatbelt and grab my bookbag. "I'm good. Sleepy, sorry!" I hop out of the car and wait a moment for him so we can walk together. He takes my backpack and throws his arm over my shoulder protectively.

As expected, we get a bit too much attention for my comfort on our way to my locker. I try to keep my head up and act like I don't care about the fact that I decided to handle my day looking like a homeless person. At least it's Wednesday and no one will remember by the weekend. I approach my locker and open it up, Bradley setting my bag inside. With the school schedule alternating days, my morning calls for ASL again and English class. I grab a couple of the things I'll need for those classes before beginning my walk down the hall.

Bradley's caught off guard, and it takes him a second to catch up to my fast-paced gait. "So, um, I'll see you at lunch?"

I nod briskly, give him a small smile, and enter my classroom. "Yep."

I can't get away fast enough.

❁

The nausea kicks in at lunch, while squished between Ashley and Brad and munching on an apple. James is sitting at our table today, cracking nonchalant jokes with Bradley. Sitting here with him this close, knowing my sister is carrying his child, makes me sick. I set my apple down.

Amie's attention turns towards me. "Emma, are you alright? You look...pale."

The rest of the group turns towards me, and I feel the heat rise to my cheeks. James' piercing blue eyes hold a concerned gaze, but all I can think about is if my niece or nephew will have those piercing eyes or Eva's warm amber ones.

"Em?" Bradley's hand on my shoulder snaps me out of my reverie. I jolt and quickly glance at everyone.

"I just got a wave of nausea, that's all," I explain, shaking my head in hopes of clearing out my thoughts.