After laying in bed all day with Hazel, I realized how achy my bones and joints were. From my lupus and arthritis; ha, about that actually, I don't have arthritis. My doctors thought I did, but I just have lupus. I don't know why I told Will otherwise. Maybe to make it seem like I have more problems, so he would go away.
My lupus medicine works great. My lupus actually isn't too severe. I just get the hurting body parts, and every once in a while headaches. And I have depression, but only partially from lupus. Partially from my past.
But I'm not digging into that just yet. It's something that hurts.
I realized, as I laid with Hazel, and Father came home, the two of us didn't talk much. I realized I don't tell her about my life much, when I should. So I started.
"Hey, Hazel?" I ask.
"Yeah?" she shifts, sitting up, looking at me.
"Percy and I broke up." I say. Saying it aloud makes me feel worse.
Hazel hugs me, "It'll be okay."
"And the teachers told some guy, Will, to be my friend. I'm not sure if he's being real or not though. It's because of... you know," Hazel lets me rant. "And I have a secret, but I can't tell you. It's for the best, maybe. I mean, not really, but I convinced myself so, so now I can't tell you."
She sighs, "You can always tell me. Even if it's hard. Maybe right it down?"
I crack a smile that shouldn't be in this situation right now, "Probably not."
She stays silent. So do I.
~ time skip ~
Me: Hi
Will: Hey, Nico!
Me: How are you?
Will: Good, you?
Me: Could be better
Will: Wanna talk about it?
Me: Not really
Will: Okay. Wyd?
Me: nothing, texting you.
Will: oh, cool
Will: I'm watching Netflix
Me: What show?
Will: Voltron
Me: I haven't seen it
Will: acbsfbkjdehnk you haven't?!
Will: you NEED to watch it, it's AMAZING
Me: isn't it an anime for kids?
Will: then consider me a kid
Me: I already did that
Will: ha, ha. But really, it's awesome
Me: I'll think about it
Will: :D
Me: Will?
Will: yep
Me: I do wanna talk
Will: oh, okay. Are you okay?
Me: I have depression.
Will: is it clinical?
Me: ... what does that mean...?
Will: like... suicidal...
Me: oh, no! No no no
Maybe I should have told him yes. He'd go away. But maybe I don't want him to go away.
Will: okay. Did something happen?
Me: Yeah
Me: someone called my family's house phone and threatened me
Me: the rumors going around school
Will: omg, are you ok?
Me: you sound like a girl, "omg"
Will: that's not important right now
Me: I know
Will: do you wanna share what they said? It's ok if not
Me: no, I don't want to
Me: I guess I just need a friend
Me: obviously, I have none
Will: you have me
Me: yeah, I guess...
Will: want me to come over?
Me: no, I don't even trust you, I don't know why I'm texting you
Will: because I'm irresistible ;)
Me: that's definitely not it
Will: lol, ok
Will: but really, are you sure?
Me: yeah
Will: okay
Will: What do you want to talk about?
We dove into aimless conversation after that. I admit, I felt better afterwards. Still a bit depressed, but my mood was lighter.
I hope things stay that way. I know they won't, but I hope they do.
