The 100- Eligius III(Bellarke Season 5-6)

Chapter 4- Her weakness

Clarke

She couldn't believe what Bellamy just said. She couldn't process the information.

"What do you mean?"

"We have just nine anti radiation suits. "

"No...it can't be...maybe there is no radiation down there...I can go without a suit..."

"Don't even thing about it, Clarke."

"Why can't we wake them up, anyway. They could just stay here, on the ship."

"We don't have enough food and everyone would want to go down there and all that we will cause is chaos."

Clarke hold her breath. It couldn't be. This could not be happening. Not after 100 years of cryo. Not now. She looked at Bellamy and whispered.

"What do we do? Who are we going to wake up?"

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about. I have a small list in my head for the suits. Jordan, because he knows everything about this ship and I guess much more than anyone else. Raven, she knows a lot of engineering things. Murphy, Emori, they are great fighters and Echo..." He said taking a deep breath. "She can guide us on the ground. And then I thought about your mom or Octavia."

"No...Not my mom...she would not approve this whole thing." She said, her eyes filling with tears. "But that's eight. What about Madi? i have to wake her up!" She said but she already knew the answer. One suit must be the spare. "I will wake her up...to tell her."

"You know you can't do that. You don't even know how she would react...and she wouldn't want to go back to sleep, after you tell her how long has she been asleep."

"No, no, no...I have to wake her up. I can't do this without her...I can't..." Clarke said, burying her face in her palms.

"Clarke..."

"No, Bellamy! It's been 125 years! It's been too long..." She said raising her voice at him.

"I know how you feel, trust me."

The tears burst forth like water from a dam, spilling down her face. She felt the muscles of her chin tremble like a small child and she looked toward the window, as if the light could soothe her. There was static in her head once more, the side effect of this constant fear, constant stress she lived with. She could hear her own sounds, like a distressed child, raw from the inside. Her walls, the walls that were holding her up, making her strong just... collapsed. Moment by moment, they fell. Salty drops fell from her chin, drenching her shirt.

Suddenly, Clarke felt a familiar touch on her wet cheek.

"You're crying because you want to be so strong. Strong for your people. For your mom, for Madi. For me...And now all your strength is breaking apart."

"Why?" Clarke said between sobs.

"Look... it's ok to cry...it doesn't make you weak. It makes you human.

"Everyone has weak spots and you know that. Even me. And you know my weakness too well..." Clarke said, wiping her red, puffy nose with her sleeve.

Once again, memories came back to her. The bunker. When she couldn't let Bellamy open the hatch, because she was trying to save humanity. She had sacrificed so many lives for the same reason, but Bellamy was more important. She couldn't sacrifice him. Bellamy Blake was her weakness.

"Come here." He said, opening his arms for her.

That's all she needed. Him. She needed him to keep her strong. To keep her fighting, when all her hope was lost. She didn't want to hide it from him. She needed him to know.

"Bellamy...thank you. For always being by my side when I needed you. Now, I need you again." Clarke said looking into his big, brown eyes and then at his lips, running a hand through his hair.

"I know. We'll take care of each other on the ground, like we did before.

"Bellamy?"

"Yeah..."

"Why are you always so good to me? Even though I betrayed you and I left you... not just one time..."

"Because I care about you, Clarke. You're important to me...but now, it is time to decide who will risk our lives with." He said, letting her go and changing the subject. "Let's go and wake our family up." Bellamy said, leaving her there, in the cockpit, all alone.

In that moment, she knew that Bellamy's heart belonged to someone else. A girl he fell in love with in space, while Clarke was stranded on the ground. Every day she radioed him, hoping that maybe one day he would hear her...but it was for nothing. It was her mistake when she left him after Mount Weather. He loved her too early and now, she loved him too late.