Catfish [l.s] (boyxboy)

IM Okay

#zouispassmethatblunt

"How are you holding up, mate?" 

Louis sighs, eyeing the lit joint in Zayn's hand. He knows he shouldn't, knows Harry hates when he does it - but he feels pretty shitty and a nice high never killed anybody. That he knows of. "I'm peachy, Zayn, why would you think anything else?"

"I know you fancy Harry, Lou," he says calmly, even as Louis splutters and coughs. He's never told anyone how he feels about Harry but, okay. So, Zayn knows. No point in denying it either, he knows that Zayn won't buy it. 

"And he's got that Anna girl now," Zayn continues, "I know it must be hard on you. Don't you think Harry should be looking for a real relationship, not an online one? You can't honestly believe this is a good idea, Lou, I know what you're thinking."

"I think." Louis takes another drag, sighing in content, "I think he should do whatever makes him happy."

"Why haven't you ever told him the truth?" Zayn completely changes the subject, so Louis decides to let it go as he passes the blunt back over to Zayn. He thinks he's had enough, his head is spinning and he feels oddly at peace. His phone is buzzing in his pocket and it makes him think of Harry and his sinfully pink lips. 

His sinfully pink lips and his dark curls, how soft they feel when he threads his fingers through them, how good it would feel to be yanking on those same curls as Harry moaned out his name-

"Louis," Zayn prompts again, jabbing Louis' shoulder and effectively snapping him out of his dirty daydreams. It's a shame, really, because Harry is so hot and Louis is so smitten. He wonders briefly if he could go to jail for what he's doing, then he realizes that he really doesn't care either.

"He's, he's straight Zayn. Like. He likes boobs," Louis explains, waving his arms around and making cups just under his chest, grabbing at the air to prove that there are in fact no boobs there, "I don't have any of those."

"C'mon, you don't know that he's straight. He could be bisexual. Or gay. Or a fucking cyclops. You never know." Zayn's head lolls against the sofa as he lets out a deep and long sigh before closing his eyes. Louis wishes he would leave so he could fantasize about Harry again but he thinks that maybe his obsession is starting to become the tiniest bit unhealthy.

"He's not."

"He's so submissive though," Zayn says, and Louis snorts because, yeah, that's kind of true. Okay, very true.

"That doesn't mean he's not straight. Fuck gender norms," Louis says. a little louder than necessary, peeking at the door to the corridor on the bus as he hears footsteps pass the room. God, how embarrassing would it be if Harry walked in right now and saw the pair lying around passing a joint and talking like a bunch of teenage girls?

"Yeah, well. Still think you should tell him. He might leave that girl for you."

"That won't be necessary. And besides, he's happy. I can't ruin that," Louis admits, softening a little bit and staring at his hands. He wishes he could confide in someone, but the only other people he could try are just as close to Harry as him. He doesn't trust any of them to react in a way that would be helpful. He knows that if the roles were reversed he would be mad at someone for playing a friend like he is, too.

"I think Harry loves you too, Lou, you're just too dense to see it," Zayn drawls and hope sparks in Louis' chest. What if Zayn is right? What if Harry does like Louis, what if he's just confused about what he feels? He can picture it now, the two of them cuddled up on a loveseat watching some movie for the fifteenth time in two weeks, Harry's head on Louis's lap while Louis plays with his hair and makes comments about the characters as Harry just hums, smiling into his skin. He can imagine the two of them arguing over the last piece of pizza before eventually deciding to split it in half, giggling like fools when one of them spills pizza sauce on their shirt. He can imagine their legs intertwined at night, Harry's large hands wrapped around Louis' waist while Louis' own arms are wrapped around Harry's neck, holding his head to his chest as he kisses his hair goodnight - but Harry wouldn't know because he would already be asleep, safe in Louis' arms as he sat back and wondered how the fuck he had gotten so lucky.

Unfortunately for Louis, none of this is a reality. Now, he kind of just feels really depressed. He wonders if there's ice cream somewhere that he can cry over.

"Harry and I have been friends for over four years, mate. I think he would have told me by now if he loved me," Louis says sadly, coming down from his very weak and brief high and closing his eyes. "And besides, he's got a girl now. He's proper whipped, let me tell you. I'm not going to interfere with that. I'm not going to make things awkward between us, especially not now. Not while we're stuck on this tour bus, not while he's in a new relationship. That's a dick move."

"But, you are kind of a dick already," Zayn comments. Louis lets out a loud laugh at that, covering his face with his hands. 

"I know."