Part of Me | jaeten.

epilogue

a/n: This chapter reminded me of Eric Nam's song "Hold Me". You can listen to it while reading this chapter!
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For some reason I found myself at a strange, vast place. I was walking across a field, the grass partly dried out from the mild drought caused by the heat of summer. The place seemed totally unfamiliar yet it felt as if I have at least seen it before.

Perhaps when I was a child I did, that's what I thought.

At some point, I was abruptly pulled back by a force that I couldn't see. Then I noticed a thin string wrapped around my pinkie, yet I couldn't feel it on my skin. My eyes tried to trace where it was coming from, only to see that its length went as far as crossing the entire field with its other end disappearing among the cluster of trees at the opposite side.

If there was one element that I found the most intriguing, it was that red string attached on my fifth digit.

I tried to remove it, but the string was simply going through my hand as if it was just an image from a projector.

Eventually I decided to follow the trail, curious of what I would see at the other end.

It didn't take me that long before I managed to fully cross the field. The moment I made it through the cluster of trees, I found myself facing a road that I finally could recognize. The end of the string was still nowhere to be seen, but I felt my brows scrunch in confusion when I noticed that it was looped around the pole of a road sign.

I went near to inspect closely, and a strange neon green note was stuck on it, with the words written in sloppy Hangul,

"This is a clue. Hurry up and find me Jae."

My eyes flew open at the sound of my alarm blaring.

I woke up with a stiff neck that brought sharp pain with every minimal movement, and I couldn't help but wince as I gradually tried to tilt my head upright. Turns out I spent the entire night sitting on the couch, and exhaustion didn't even allow me to make it to the guestroom before I immediately passed out.

I was pretty sure I had a dream.

Yet I couldn't understand what it meant.

If by some chance it did mean something.

My mind could recall the intensity of stress I had to endure the night before, and it made me question myself if I should still persist on looking for him. I felt tears starting to prickle at the back of my eyes, the anxiety that once settled in my stomach eventually unfurled out like a wildfire inside my body. I felt so lost and my mind was restless.

I just wanted to give up and allow myself to rest.

Thinking about it, the search seemed hopeless and I wasn't going anywhere.

Why was I trying so hard?

Maybe I've been holding onto him more than I should be.

I wondered if he got tired of hanging out with me.

I wondered if my company wasn't enough to make him happy.

After all, some of my asshole classmates back in high school even said I had no personality. Maybe it's true. And maybe Ten got tired of me.

But maybe I was worrying too much. Maybe he's finally awake now. Maybe he'll come back to see me again.

Those were the only possibilities I could think of, although I refused to consider that one idea that could simply rule out every other possibility once my mind chooses to latch onto it.