Part of Me | jaeten.

ii.

On the same night I dreamt about Ten.

It was like my mind was conscious that I was looking forward to see him dance that I actually saw him dance in my dream. It's funny how my brain seemed more impatient than I was it couldn't wait till Tuesday. And so after he danced to Lemon by N.E.R.D and Rihanna in my dream, I could say that I pretty much had an idea of how amazing of a dancer he is, assuming that my dream didn't only invent that part of him.

Monday past by quickly and there I was again with the boy who was only a stranger to me 2 days ago. He was noticeably wearing the same shirt and shoes, and I wondered if it was his favorite outfit. But before I could even ask him, he told me that it's his favorite pair to wear whenever he's only strolling around by himself.

"Oh I was supposed to ask this before, but do you have any significant other?" Ten asked me while we were walking along the perimeter of the park. He kept a noticeable distance between us but I didn't think too much about it. I was still half a stranger to him anyway so it was understandable.

"I'm actually seeing someone, but I don't think it'll eventually turn serious."

"Oh. Why not?"

"We don't perfectly click, that's what I think. She's beautiful, kind and all, but I feel like she's not really the one for me."

He frowned and bit on his lower lip. "But how much does she like you? Won't it hurt her if you tell her that?"

I stopped on my tracks and gazed at my feet. What he said hit me. I never got to ask how she really felt about me and I didn't want to hurt her.

"I'm sorry— I shouldn't have asked that." Ten apologized and winced.

"No no it's okay. You have a point. I never asked how she really felt about me. We've been seeing each other for a month, but I feel like nothing is really progressing between us."

He went quiet for a moment. "Did you meet her in med school?"

"Yeah."

"So does that mean she doesn't feel like the person the old lady was referring to?"

"I... yeah I think so."

I felt guilty for thinking that Hyejin wasn't really the one for me. It seemed too early to believe in what my feelings were telling me, and I was afraid that what the old lady said was mainly the reason why I was jumping into conclusions.

But then I realized, I didn't exactly know how long it would take before that connection finds me. What if she's really the one who would complement me but I gave up on knowing her better too soon? A part of me still wanted to believe in the possibility that there's still something I had to discover about her and through that, something deeper will bloom between us.

I thought that maybe I just needed to put more effort.

Feeling a bit more enthusiastic and motivated, I told Ten that I'd give it another month and eventually ask her how she feels about us, and so I did.

The next day, I asked her out for dinner at this newly opened restaurant along the stretch of Han River. To my relief, not a lot of people were dining out during that day as it was on a Wednesday evening. We talked more about our interests and her family, and I remember her giggling when I told her that I used to dream of becoming a DJ when I was 9.

Another date in an amusement park followed that, then another one in a dog cafe. I figured that she isn't much of a dog person and preferred cats instead, and she said that she'd probably only adopt a cat once she gets married.

Everything went well, that was a good thing. But a month passed by quickly, and much to my disappointment, the results I was hoping for didn't come. But if there was anything I gained from it, I felt closer to her as a friend but not as a romantic partner. When I found a perfect time to ask her how she truly felt about us, I felt relieved when she said she couldn't seem put her head into the thought of getting into a serious relationship anytime soon. Hyejin admitted that her fondness for me grew for the past 2 months, but apologized when she said that it "didn't feel like love quite yet." I told her that an apology wasn't necessary as I never intended to impose something that didn't bloom from its natural course, and likewise, I shared the same sentiments as her.