I knock on the door hesitantly, "Dan! Can I come in?"
"Sure, what'd you want?" He turns in his chars as I open the door.
"Mm...I wanted to talk to you, about yesterdayyyy...hi!" I stop myself from saying anything else. A girl sitting on Dan's bed. She was wearing an extremely short dress. Whilst I walked around in my penguin pyjama bottoms and a plain white t-shirt.
"Uh, Hi." She looks me up and down.
"What about yesterday?" He crosses his arms and smirks.
"Uh well...Phil told me that saying that makes boys feel self-conscious...so I am sorry. Goodbye." I fiddle with my fingers and turn around. Dan was with a girl? Weird.
—
I mumble the lyrics to the song 'past life' by Tame Impala as I stare at the ceiling. All I was doing was looking at the stars up there. They glow in the dark. Dan didn't talk to me the whole day. He said he just wasn't in the mood. I feel sad. The door creaks open. I turn my head to see Dan.
"Why are you in my room?" I ask sadly.
"Hello to you too!" He walks over to me and lies next to me. His feet on the headboard as well, his hands placed on his stomach. "I want to know something..." He mumbles. The song ends and another one starts. Visions of Gideon by Sufjan Stevens plays.
"Ask away." I sigh. He was going to ask me things I would not understand. He doesn't forget everything like I do.
"When you can't remember things...how do you feel. Like when we tell you something you said and you don't remember it...how does it make you feel?" He turns to face me. The dim fairy lights illuminating his pretty features.
"Frustrating. And I'm sorry. I feel like I'm a different person kind of. I feel so stupid. But right now I feel like-like a normal person. Like I can say things like 'dont' instead of 'do not' which is weird. I dunno why I don't use slang when I feel confused like that. I use good vocabulary and shit but I still feel like an absolute idiot." I look back at the ceiling. There's no talking. It's all just silent.
"I love you." He whispers and holds my hand.
"I'm never going to remember that." I laugh. "And no you don't-" He turns my face to meet with his. He kisses me soft, if possible, and slow. I return the gesture and feel a smile on his lips. "Why did you do that?" I furrow my eyebrows.
And I have kissed you for the last time,
"Because I want you to remember it." His hand is still on my cheek. I smile at his sweet attempt.
"Dan, this isn't going to be some miracle, or cliche love story (or fan fiction *cough*) I'm still going to forget. I just remember random things." I look back at the colourful stars.
"Maybe we can do more. Why don't we hang out tomorrow. We can go ice skating and have a picnic or something." He follows my actions and faces up.
"I'd enjoy that." I play with the strings of my hoodie. "You don't like me." I say. He chuckles and asks why I would even think that. "You like that girl. That random bitch." I mumble the last part.
"I love no one but you." He sits up and stares down at me.
"You don't even love me Dan. You just feel bad." I sit up as well and wrap my arms around my knees. "You hurt me. Me and my feelings." I put my head on my knees, making sure I could still see his face.
"I know." He looks down at the bedsheets. "I don't even know why I'm telling you this. If I keep treating you like shit you'll never even look at me like you love me let alone tell me." He bites the inside of his cheek. "I'm sorry."
And silence over comes us.
YOU ARE READING
Losing a friend
Fanfiction"you're like the sun" "why's that?" "you're annoying but impossible to live without" "I thought you were going to say hard to look at"
