Back to me

Hide and seek

Flaca looked for maritza nonstop and didn't have much success in her search. She even visited Soso's bunk, which was a hard task for her to do, but nothing. She had no idea of where maritza could be. She was worried, maritza arrived a day ago and had already disappeared. The tiny girl didn't even know the place properly, having choosed that meeting flaca was more urgent, and that could be working on her disadvantage right now. She has only been to Gloria's bunk, the main room, the recording room, the bathroom and their bunk, flaca has looked for her in all those places except the last one. She kept running towards their place like her life depended on it, like maritza would vanish if they didn't talk soon.

When she got there, she found a short Latina woman in her bed, fidgeting with her fingers. Flaca could sense the nervousness in her from the door. It looks like flaca is not the only one who wants to talk. She got closer to the bed and maritza stayed quiet, even her breathing didn't make a sound, that worried flaca. Was the other girl really mad at her for what happened during the show? If she was, that would make them take 10 steps back in their relationship, 10 steps that took them years to take, she could lose her girl because cindy's big mouth. She seated beside maritza and just stared at her, giving the girl some time so she could talk If she wanted to. She didn't, the silence was still there, she wouldn't even look at flaca and flaca couldn't live with that. She turned to maritza, looking at her with determination in her eyes, it was now or never.

- I'm sorry for what happened with Cindy, she can't keep her mouth shut! - she was a little angry at her co-host, even though she didn't do it to cause any harm - she thought she knew what's going on because of what she saw this morning and I didn't even had time to explain to her - maritza was still looking down, looking at her hands. Flaca reached for her, caressing her arm - I'm sorry if she outed you for everyone. I'm sorry that kissing me caused you this and I'm so, so sorry that I wasn't able to prevent this from happening. - Flaca had a begging tone in her voice, the thought of maritza shutting down any chance of they having a relationship because of what happened terrified her. She still got silence as an answer - I mean, WE didn't even talk about it, and I was really looking forward to do it after they show. But if you don't want to talk to me ever again after all this, I will understand.

- No - maritza was quick to answer this time, seeing that flaca completely misunderstood her reaction - yeah, I'm a little mad at you for not being able to stop cindy, and yes, I am worried about what could change now that every woman In this place knows that I like girls - she paused, putting a lock of hair behind flaca's ears - But the reason I'm bummed about it is because this is rushing things for us. I've been wanting to have a talk about this - she pointed between them -
for a long time now, and since everyone thinks we're together you could feel obligated to do things you don't want. And I would hate myself if I ever let you do something you don't want. I'm sorry if I made you think I didn't want to talk about us, I really want to, I was just worried - with the smile flaca received, she would forgive everything. She smiled back after noticing maritza was waiting for her reaction. The mood in the room was lighter now, but the two girls were nervous. They were about to have THE talk, and they both wanted it to go well. Flaca didn't have to wait to see who's going to start talking, because maritza soon asked her - so, what are your thoughts about our... er.. situation? - if maritza wanted to hear first, then that's how this was going. She breathed in one last time, trying to calm her nerves a bit, and started talking.

- when I first entered Litchfield, I thought the years I would spend there would be the worst of my life, you know? - maritza nodded - I couldn't imagine being away of the real world and not being miserable. But then I met you, and you were nice, and you helped me to fit in. You showed me that those years would only be the worst of my life if I let them, and I used that during this entire time. And then we became best friends and you, I don't know why, let me in. You trusted me. No one had ever done that before. That was the last thing it took for you to crush my walls. I had spent years building those up, and you crushed them in months. I couldn't find an explanation for that but I stood by your side either way - maritza observed her with attention, she didn't want to miss a word of what's being said - some time passed, the things only got better, you became my soulmate and everyone noticed that, we became a duo. And, for some time, I was happy with that. Until I started to notice every single thing about you. It started with daily things like how you would only sleep once I was at our bunk, or how you would never eat beats cause you hate them, but if they are in a sauce you would eat them without a problem. And then one day I caught myself staring at you while you slept in my arms, taking in every detail of that beautiful face of yours - she caressed her face with the tip of her fingers - and how you would hold me tight, like I could leave you there. I realized there that I was in love with you. Madly, deeply in love with you. I decided not to make a move because you were straight and you're always talking about boys and stuff, so I shut it down. That kiss in the kitchen on Valentine's day gave me a very small piece of hope, when I had your lips glued to mine, I thought you might feel the same, for the first time I thought my feelings weren't one sided. But when you started laughing - she had tears threatening to fall from her eyes - that wrecked me in a way that I thought I wouldn't be able to come back from it. You made your point to me that day: You wanted Best friend Flaca, and that's what I decided to give you. Once again, I hid my feelings as best as i could, promising myself that no one would ever find out about them. I did a pretty decent job at doing it, but when I saw that guard taking you away, I was taken by regret - she was in tears now - I regretted every single moment I could have told you about how I felt but didn't do it because I was afraid. I regretted that I never tried to make you like me In that way. And the worst part, the one that follows me till this day, is the regret I felt when you entered that bus without hearing an "I love you too" from my mouth. I panicked when you said that, I thought that if I answered my voice would betray me and you would know that I didn't love you like I was supposed to love my best friend - she got closer to maritza, holding her face on her hands - I didn't told you then, and I'm sorry for it, but I will tell you now. I love you Mari. I've loved you for years now and I'm finally brave enough to say it to your face. I, Marisol Gonzales, love you, Maritza Ramos.

* It took me longer to write this one because my college classes started this week, but I will try to give you a chapter every week. please leave your comments on the story. I hope you are enjoying it.