Between Crown And Heart - Book 2

6 - The Big Mistake

Light was blinding me and woke me up from my sleep.
I narrowed my closed eyes and tried to block that unpleasant light more out.
It didn't work quite well. Therefore, I moaned annoyed and turned my head in the other direction.
I startled up.
"Why was my bed feeling that awkward?" I wondered.
Right then I remembered last night.
My body stiffened and I opened my eyes.
I gasped.
I was sitting on the lap of Remus with my legs spread open.
"No, no, no, no!" I thought panic struck.
"What did we do?!" I asked me in my head.
I remembered how I started actually all that last night and how he just imitated me.
I looked on his neck and remembered how I rested my lips and the top of my nose on it, how I licked it and how I sucked on his Adam's apple.
I followed last nights route on his neck with my eyes and stopped suddenly on his Adam's apple.
It was a little red. It looked like a bruise.
Without thinking that Remus was still asleep, I drew out my hand and touched the bruise with my fingertips. My head got closer too.
"It really is a bruise!" I thought.
"Was it me?" I wondered guiltily.
Suddenly Remus moved a little and smashed with his chin against my head.
"Ouch!" I said and pressed on that hurting spot on my head with my hand.
"I'm sorry." He said and fumbled my long, open hair away which were sticking to his stubbles.
I blushed and looked away.
The thought that a man was doing this with my hair was very appealing.
Then he put his hand on my hand which was covering my head and asked:
"You're alright?" I nodded shyly.
He let go of my head and hand and pulled a strand of my hair behind my right ear with his fingers.
I felt my cheeks heat up.
But right then his hand pulled back at once. It made me to look at him.
He looked distant and warm... like he was guilty.
Something heavy hit my stomach. It felt like someone was throwing stones in my gastric.
I swallowed guiltily.
"Good morning." He said softly.
"Morning." I said squeaky and unsure.
He looked at me for a while. At my hair, into my eyes and on my neck. His eyes widened a little.
I furrowed my brows and pulled my hand against my neck, there where Remus started looking quite shocked.
I wasn't really sure what I was doing nor why I was touching my neck aimlessly but right then a little pain wave perfused my neck.
I gasped. I touched the same spot again and felt exactly the same.
I gasped again.
I looked at Remus in wonder and he looked devastatey back at me.
"R-Remus...?"
He looked more guilty and said: "I'm so sorry."
My chest fell down. I stared at him with a feeling of betrayal.
I wanted him to say more but most of all, I wanted that he wasn't sorry for last night.
Remus grabbed me by my shoulders and made me to stand up with him.
I was on my feet but couldn't really stand firmly because I was shocked and still sleepy.
He kept grabbing me by my shoulders until he was sure I wouldn't meet the ground.
He looked hurt at me and said: "You should change... Everyone will wake up quiet soon." With that he left without looking one last time back at me.
I couldn't believe what just happened.
I felt so much pain and... cheep.
I felt like a little whore who turned up half-naked last night and who helped Remus to have fun.
But the point was that I wanted to do that! I was willing to go that far and let that happen!
I was ashamed of me.
I was hardly out of my mom's house and I started to whore around.
Tears rolled down my face.
"Maybe it was right that mom threw me out because if she knew what I am doing she would definitely throw me out." I thought.
Soon I stopped crying and worried about someone seeing me like that.
I dried my tears and hurried down to my room.
I managed to enter the room without a squeak.
The very first thing I did was going straight to the bathroom and looking in the mirror.
I craned my neck and looked in the old, square mirror.
My eyes widened.
There were two golf ball-seized dark purple stains on my neck. Each under my earlobe, near my tonsils.
I stabbed carefully my finger on those stains and grimaced in pain.
"Remus did a great job!" I thought sarcastic.
"And I worried and felt guilty about his little bruise on his apple!" I rolled my eyes at me.
I decided to change as quickly as possible because the others were still asleep and that was the best opportunity to hide those stains on my neck... to hide those love bites... my first love bites.
I blushed and bite me on my smiling lips.
"I don't want to hide them. Actually, I want to take a picture of them and frame them!"
I rushed back into the room and searched as quietly as possible for some clothes and a smaller shawl.
I decided for black underwear, a navy blue long shirt, jeans and a grey shawl.
I changed in the bathroom after I had taken a shower and washed off all my whore-ness.
After I was finished with showering, I changed and tried to hide my love bites with make-up.
But as I dabbed my pledget into my make-up someone knocked on the door.
"Galaxy? Mom called. We should get ready." Ginny said in a sleepy voice.
"Alright! I'm ready!" I shouted quite enthusiastically.
I was sure that Ginny furrowed her brows and asked herself what was wrong with me and why was I that happy in the morning.
I bit my lip guiltily and hoped that Ginny wouldn't get suspicious at me.
I listened how Ginny shuffled back to her bed.
Only then I threw my shawl around my neck and looked at me very carefully.
Covering my neck with make-up would take too long.
However, my neck was covered very well and I dared to go out like that.
I decided that I would say I am getting a cold and my throat is sore, if someone will ask me why I was wearing a shawl.
"Good morning!" I said in the same cherish voice as before and cursed me for that. That's definitely not how a girl with a sore throat sounds like!
"Good morning!" Both said in union.
"Slept well?" I asked and put my make-up bag back in my trunk.
"Yeah."
"More or less."
"And you?" Ginny asked suspiciously.
I stopped in my tracks.
Did she know that I was with Remus last night?
"Eeeer... I'm still tired." I said very suspicious.
Hermione already narrowed her eyes at me.
I cursed me in my head again.
"I, however, slept really bad! I heard people jumping around in the third floor but I didn't dare to go upstairs. There are too many creepy things in here and you really don't know what might come out of the cupboards around here!" Hermione said.
"Mmmhm" I said only.
I turned around suddenly and made me look as if I was busy searching for something.
But in real I tried to hide my blushing from them.
It seems that my silencing charm only covered our voices, not our movements.
"I... eer... better go downstairs and help your mom, Ginny. See you later you two!" I waved at them quickly and ran out of the room.
I felt that they were wondering what happened to me. That's why I ran only more faster down and into the kitchen.
"Good morning!" I shouted breathless and startled Mrs. Weasley and Sirius up.
"Oh! Good morning, dear! You scared me to death!" She said warmly as always and hugged me.
"Morning!" Sirius said with a smile.
That was suspicious. Why was he welcoming me that happily after last night? After my rudeness?
"Do you feel alright?" Mrs. Weasley asked me sternly as we pulled apart.
I looked at her alarmed. Did she saw me and Remus yesterday or why was she asking me that specific question?
"Eer... yeah... why are you asking?"
"Your shawl." She said only.
There I remembered that I have to act sick.
I coughed forced and very unnaturally.
"Well, I-" I coughed again.
"I feel like there is a cold coming. My throat is quite sore." I coughed again.
"Oh dear! Why don't you tell me? I will give you some nice slug tea and dwarf toe soup and you will be fit in no time!"
My eyes widened and I tasted something bitter in my mouth.
"And don't forget the giant booger broth!" Sirius added. My eyes widened only more.
"Help!" I screamed in my head.
"Oh. No!" I screamed. Mrs. Weasley looked hurt but then she turned into really angry.
"I mean, no." I said softer this time.
"I actually took some muggle medicine. I can feel how it already works! I am not dizzy anymore!" I invented a silly story.
"And I really don't want to know how muggle and wizard medicine interact with each other." I invented more after Mrs. Weasley still looked angry.
"Good morning!"
"Morning!"
Harry and Ron entered the kitchen.
"Fine. But I want you to rest today. Go take a seat, dear." Mrs. Weasley gave in and I nodded relieved.
I walked to the table and took my seat next to Sirius and opposite Harry and Ron.
"What's for breakfast, mom?"
"You! You're always talking about food! Do you have anything else on your mind beside food! Ronald, I'm saying, this year I want you to pass your OWL's with great marks. Did you hear me?!" Mrs. Weasley burst out. I looked from an embarrassed Ron to Harry who seemed to be used to that.
"Did you hear me?!" Mrs. Weasley shouted.
For a second I was scared Sirius' mom would start shouting too but then I looked at Mrs. Weasley and knew that there was nothing more scary in the world than Mrs. Weasley right then.
"Yes, mom." Ron said.
Sirius giggled just like a kid and I looked at him scandalized.
Sirius only shrugged his shoulders in response.
"Good morning!" Ginny and then Hermione said.
They arrived in the kitchen now too.
"What's for breakfast, mom?"
Ginny asked and sat beside me with Hermione.
"Oh, just the usual, my love. Eggs and bacon." Mrs. Weasley answered her daughter.
I looked from Harry to Ron and asked them by my facial expressions why Mrs. Weasley was that rude to Ron?
They only looked away.
"Does anyone know where Remus is?" Mrs. Weasley asked while she made eggs for us.
I looked shyly away and tugged on my shawl.
"I'm here!" Remus entered the kitchen.
I looked up at him and I felt how excitement and disappointment were fighting inside me.
"I'm sorry, Molly, but I can't stay for breakfast. I really have to go."
I felt a pinch in my stomach.
"I am the reason why he won't join us. I should go then and have him have breakfast. I can eat later. In fact I wasn't hungry at all."
"That's a pity. You can't stay for only breakfast?" Mrs. Weasley asked disappointed.
"I'm sorry. No." Remus avoided looking at me. That made me feel only more bad.
"No, Remus. You will join us and you will leave the house only after you have finished your breakfast with us." Sirius said.
"Sirius, I can't-"
"You know, if you don't eat with us, I will turn into a dog and bite you in your leg until you are willing to eat." He said simply.
Sirius surely overplays sometimes.
Remus glared at him. In the end Remus sighed and gave in.
Remus walked to the chair beside Ron and glared at Sirius.
I looked at Remus' neck because I wanted to know how he covered his bruise on his neck.
He wore a pullover with a long collar. It covered it pretty good.
He looked at me suddenly and down on my shawl. He had the same guiltily expression on his face as before.
I felt more bad.
"Here we go!" Sirius said loudly and startled me up. Mrs. Weasley was finished with cooking and arrived with toasts, eggs and bacon at the table.
"Dig in, everyone!" Mrs. Weasley said and then she shouted very loud and angry, almost like a siren: "Fred and George! Would you now come down without any use of magic like everyone did?!"
Suddenly Fred and George popped in the kitchen.
"Good morning!" Both said.
Mrs. Weasley groaned.
"And yes, mom. We can." George said.
"And no, mom. We can't." Fred continued.
I smiled furtive and hoped Mrs. Weasley didn't see that.
Fred and George sat beside Hermione.
I looked back at Mrs. Weasley who filled the plates for us but stopped at Remus. He was looking at me very dreamily and he smiled lightly.
"Here, my dear. You're the ill one here. Therefore you will get the first plate. Oh and don't mind to wait for us. Just start!" Mrs. Weasley made me to look at her. I smiled forced.
"You're ill?" Remus asked worriedly.
I felt my cheeks getting hotter.
I coughed artificial again and said shyly: "My throat is sore."
With that I tugged on my shawl again.
"I... see." He said and I knew he understood what I meant exactly.
"Enjoy your meal!" Mrs. Weasley said happily.
With that we all started eating our eggs.
I waited until the others had their plates filled with eggs too because I just felt uncomfortable.
"I need to have all of your help. I'm going to clean the house today." Mrs. Weasley announced as everyone got busy in eating.
"Wait. You're doing what?" Sirius asked after he gobbled his eggs in shock.
"You heard me, Sirius. I'm going to make this place inhabitable! And you're helping me with no excuses! You have already crossed quite a lot lines!" Mrs. Weasley shot him a threatening look.
Sirius looked at her for a while. Then averted his eyes and resumed quietly with his breakfast.
That was a surrendered 'yes'.
"Where are you going Remus? Will you join us for lunch or dinner? I could really need any help I can get." Mrs. Weasley said.
I looked shyly up.
"I'm going to Tonks. She asked me to help her out with a boggart. Then I'm going to buy a few things and I have to do some work for the order. I don't know how long it will take. Maybe I'm back today or in a few days. If you still need my help at that time I will definitely do what I can."
My heart slowed down.
He was going to Tonks. He was leaving me and was going to her! How could he?! He spent such a wonderful night with me and not with her! Moreover, he will be gone for a few days! How can I survive that long without him?
I tried to stop me from crying and took a big spoon of eggs.
"That's lovely from you, Remus. Actually, I looked around a little and there is a boggart in that table drawer in the drawing room I believe. It would be great if you look for that one too."
"I don't think that's a good idea." Sirius intervened.
Mrs. Weasley shot him a deathly stare.
"And why do you believe that's not a good idea?" Mrs. Weasley said offended.
"Because, as I know my mother quite well, she may have placed something much worst in that drawer than a boggart!"
Suddenly realization crept on Mrs. Weasley and a horrifying expression appeared on her face.
"I suggest to have Moody a look on that one. I will ask him the next time he comes by." Sirius added.
Mrs. Weasley seemed to gather herself again and nodded in agreement.
"You're right. It will be the best if Moody can have a look at it first."
There was silence. Everyone was shocked.
Mrs. Weasley agreed with Sirius! With that man who made her life more stressful than Fred and George!
That was indeed astonishing but in my eyes only the best that could had happened.
That was the foundation of a polite cooperation for today. No arguing and no accusations. That was a wonderful message if there wasn't that thing about Remus leaving me for Tonks.
"Alright. Let's go upstairs. First floor, the door in front." Mrs. Weasley said as she floated the dirty dishes towards the sink after everyone finished with breakfast.
"And I'm setting off." Remus said and rose from his seat.
I didn't realize that I rose with him in the same moment from my seat and stared at him.
Everyone eyed me and then Remus suspiciously but I didn't care. I was fixed on Remus. I wanted to retard him from going to Tonks. That stupid jealousy rose inside me and made me selfish.
"Thank you for the lovely breakfast, Molly. I really look forward for the next meal I'm going to eat from your hands." Remus joked.
He made Mrs. Weasley blush.
"Bye, everyone. See you." Remus looked at everyone around.
The very last station was me. He stared blankly at me for a while until he turned around and headed towards the exit.
"Remus!" I whispered appalled. Obviously he didn't hear me. Therefore, he didn't stop.
"Remus! Wait!" I shouted and ran after him.
He was already at the door when I arrived in the corridor. He was about to open the door. His hand rested on the door knob.
I looked shyly away and stood there in front of him lost.
"Yes?"
I remembered a saying from our culture. It says that one should never call after a person who is leaving the house. That brings bad luck.
"I... I'm sorry."
"For calling after you." I continued in my head.
Remus didn't say anything. Instead, he walked up to me and stopped right in front of me.
"Galaxy." He said in a pleading sound.
"I am sorry." He stressed the second word.
Mrs. Weasley existed the kitchen and walked up to the drawing room followed by all the kids. They all looked at us and I felt like they knew what was going on between me and Remus.
Remus and me didn't say a word until they disappeared.
"That shouldn't have-"
"I... I actually..." I interrupted him after he started the conversation again. I didn't want to feel the pain by those words which Remus was about to say.
"I... wanted something else from you... actually." I said. But what did I want from him anyway? Of course that he should stay at home with us, with me, and didn't go to Tonks but I couldn't say that.
He was looking at me expectantly.
"Eeer... can you... practice with me that dementor charm? Now?"
Now it was my turn to look at him expectantly.
"I can't. As I said and you already know, I'm going to Tonks and then I will buy a few things and do work for the order."
My heart broke only more. I looked down at the ground and said: "But you promised me."
"I did, yes. But I didn't promise to do it today."
I remained looking at the ground while my heart broke more.
He was about to turn around when he said: "And the dementor charm is called the Patronus charm."
I nodded diligently although I didn't care how it was called.
Remus turned around and walked towards the door.
My broken heart gave a jerk and started drumming like it was woken up of its sleep.
"Remus!" I called again and remembered a second time that one should not call after a person who is leaving the house.
He turned back to me.
"Eeer can you... fetch something for me instead? From the market?"
That was the only thing that came up in my mind and I really wanted that feeling that he cares more about me more than Tonks.
Remus looked uncomfortable but nodded.
"Sure. And what?"
That was a good question! I didn't really need anything. Though... What on earth should I make him to get me?
"Eer... I... have to go... upstairs... in my room for that." I said deviating.
"I'm waiting here." I nodded and rushed towards my room.
I closed the door behind me and rushed to my trunks muddled by the jealously and painful emotions.
I grabbed without any senses in my trunks and threw several t-shirts and shawls and jeans on the floor.
"What do I need? What do I need? Come on! What do I need?!" I murmured invoking.
Suddenly I grabbed my original 'payals', my ankle chains mom gave me, and I had an epiphany moment.
I placed those chains back in the trunk jumped on my bed. I tucked in my knees and removed those copied ankle chains which covered my ankles right then.
They were actually the secret books, transformed into my 'payals'.
"Finite Incantatem." I whispered and pointed with my wand at the duplicated ankle chains.
They transformed back into books.
I grabbed the book for all the spells and let the thorns of the rose tendrils bury my skin. I felt a little pain but soon it was over because I felt something cold and smooth instead of those tendrils and thorns. The book got enough of my blood and identified me though I was allowed to read that book.
I looked in the index and searched for "713. Life and Death" and jumped to that chapter.
That life saving potion I couldn't make for Cedric Diggory in time because of lack of ingredients. If I had them, I would have saved him.
I was responsible for his death. If I was able to had that potion ready...
I sighed at the painful memory of last year.
"That will never happen again. No one will die in front of me. I won't stand back and let them die! No! I will make that potion in time and I will let everyone I am fond of drink it in time! I am swearing that! The lady is swearing that!" I said determined under my breath.
Soon I searched for a little piece of paper to write the ingredients down for Remus.
It said:
"Brew 'the draught of living death', 'the draught of peace' and 'mandrake restorative draught'."
I wrote on my paper:
"Ingredients of 'draught of living death', 'draught of peace', 'mandrake restorative draught'."
I looked back in my book.
"Mix one pound of leaping toodstools, nine tablespoons of Acromentula venom and 13 teaspoons of snake venom at the next waxing moon phase." I furrowed my brows. How do I know when which moon phase was?
"I can ask Mrs. Weasley." I thought and wrote down: "leaping toodstools, Acromentula venom, snake venom."
My eyes back on the book, I read:
"Mix 13 cups of the blood of the Lady,-" I stopped.
"Blood of the lady? Though... My blood?! And 13 cups of it?!" I gulped.
A girl is loosing round about one to two cups during menstruation and already that quite little amount of blood causes weakness!
"How do I get that much of my blood anyway? I surely can't take my own blood, can I?" I looked nervously around.
"I will ask my guardian. But that surely can't be true!"
I shook that thought off and continued reading the ingredients.
"4 cups of unicorn blood."
"Bloody hell! How do one get unicorn blood?! Killing an unicorn is not only immoral, it is damned too!" I sighed and went on reading with hopes that the next ingredients will be easier to get.
"Half teaspoon of dragon milk and nine pods of blood blisterpod at the waning moon phase."
I was worried. Very worried! I wasn't sure if Remus could get me all the ingredients but nevertheless I wrote them down.
Maybe he did know a place where someone can buy unicorn blood.
I transformed my books back into my 'payals' and searched for wizard money in my trunks.
I fumbled two pouches of money and hoped that would be enough.
Then I stormed out of the room and down the stairs to a waiting Remus.
"Here." I passed Remus my list and the money. He looked at it down.
There was a questioning look as he read my list but as he finished reading it and looking up at it he didn't ask me one word about it.
Somehow, I felt that I had to tell him what I was going to make of them but I can't. That was a Lady matter.
"I can't tell you." I made a pause to watch him closely.
He nodded and accepted this like that.
"I don't know if you can get me everything and I don't know if the money is enough. If it is not then please buy me the ingredients and I will give you the money back."
He nodded.
"I will do my best." We looked at each other.
"I guess, you better go then." I said weakly and still with great expectation that he might stay.
"Bye." Remus said finally but didn't leave. Instead he tried to find a way to say 'bye' through his body. By a touch.
He reached out his hand and put a strand behind my ear.
He looked from my ear into my eyes and turned around sharply as our eyes locked with each other. He left.
I stood there and looked after him lost.
"He didn't stay." I thought.
I was about to cry when Sirius appeared from the back.
"You're alright?" I startled up and dried quickly my eyes from the half-escaped tears.
"Y-yeah! Why are you asking?" I turned to him and saw more than 10 dead rats in his left hand.
"Eeeew! Why is your hand filled with death rats?"
"Oh! Hehehe! I will feed buckbeak when we are finished upstairs." He said and stuffed the rats into a bag. I nodded disgusted.
"I saw you and Remus." He said while he closed the bag. My eyes widened.
"I knew it! I sensed that he saw us yesterday night together. Shit! What should I say?"
"Oh... I... eer... really?" I said and looked at the ground.
"Yes. Just a few moments ago. You gave him something that looked quite like money." He said.
"Oh! Yeah! You're right! Absolutely!" I said relieved.
"Though he didn't see us yesterday." I thought happily.
"I asked him to get me a few things from the market." I said.
"I see. And I thought you're giving him money for sleeping with you." I was shocked and ashamed at the same time. He put his nose in the quite right direction. Even in a joking tune!
"How did he know that we got that close? And how can he accuse him for something like that?! They are best friends! Nearly brothers!" My mind said.
"Sirius! How can you say that? That's rude and impolite! He's your best friend!" I said.
"Well, I can say that BECAUSE he is my best friend. Moreover, you already know how cheeky I am." He pushed one finger in his cheek and winked at me.
I narrowed my eyes at him.
"Come. We better go upstairs and help the others getting rid of the doxys." He started dragging me after him, up the stairs, with his rat free hand.
I obeyed and looked one last time at the door, hoping Remus changed his mind and he would come back through the door.
But that was only a silly hope.