The sun rose early in New York, but unfortunately Laura had already beat it. Pacing around her bedroom for hours, her brain going haywire. Today would be her first day back on set after having talked to Taylor about her sexuality, and kissing her. And today's set lasted until after midnight.
Am I gay now? Are we dating? Is Taylor taken? Is she just method acting?
Questions tumbled around Laura's mind as she paced, checking her watch every so often to make sure she was still on time. She took a breather, standing still for one moment before the anxiety came creeping back to her. Life was never clear, and Laura had learned that throughout her own but part of her needed clarity. She needed lines to be drawn and for things to be sorted.
Laura's cellphone grounded her in reality as it chirped, indicating a call. Quickly she answered with a tentative,
"Hello?"
"Laura, hey. It's Taylor. I uh I know we have set soon, and I'm grabbing coffee before I head to the subway station. Do you want anything? My treat."
Laura paused at hearing Taylor's sweet voice. She felt warm, drunk on her little stutters. Laura had been aching to hear her and she hadn't even known it.
"Oh you're such a doll. I'll take a skinny vanilla latte, I'm about to head down there. I'll wait for you. Thanks so much Tay," She replied, smiling. Coffee on a dark grey New York morning was a pleasurable thing. Laura couldn't explain it but something about the promise of rich velvety liquid made her feel like today would be a good day.
Pulling her trench coat a little closer as the wind picked up, Laura found herself hurrying towards the subway entrance. Her eyes scanned the masses just to find the blonde she was looking for. Taylor leaned against the wall, two coffees in her hands, earbuds in and phone in her own trench coat pocket.
"Hey girl," Laura came over, picking out the cup that didn't have lipstick on it already. Taylor immediately grinned, using her free hand to take out her ear buds and shove them in a pocket.
"Coffee good? It's from this cafe by my apartment. They're so sweet, family owned." She beamed, watching Laura take a long sip.
"Mhmmm," Laura purred, walking into the station. Taylor followed, swiping her subway card. She licked her lips, thinking of how Laura's had tasted the last time they kissed. Quickly they boarded the northbound train to Astoria studios, huddling in the back where no one would notice them.
"How's everything?" Taylor asked, making small talk. Laura looked at her curiously over her coffee cup. She paused, a smile creeping up on her.
"Everything is good. I'm growing my own herbs now, on my windowsill. Totally hipsterish," Laura remarked, grinning at Taylor's immediate laugh.
"You'll have to cook me something with them when you've succeeded." She teased, putting her arm on Laura's for a moment.
"I promise," Laura winked a green eye as the train stuttered to a grinding halt, causing Taylor to grip the armrests with force. Laura pressed her feet against the floor to steady herself. "Shit. We're going to be late."
"Nonsense I made sure we left at like..." Taylor shook her head, checking her phone. They had to be on set by 7:30. It was 7:20 and their train had stopped 5 exits before theirs. "Well fuck." She swore, downing the rest of her coffee.
"I swear if we get stuck," Laura's voice rose an octave, catching Taylor's attention. For someone with such a deep registry, the sound of panic was something unanticipated. Her eyes focused on Laura's body language, seeing her nostrils flare, her arms cross. It was almost like watching a caged horse, and Taylor felt her stomach plummet as she felt the energy from Laura finally hit a nerve. They were scared.
"Do you have cell reception?" Taylor questioned quietly, arching a brow at Laura. She desperately wanted to hold her, to ease the tension growing in her shoulders....but Taylor knew she couldn't. She also knew that Laura needed space to process her panic in her own way.
"No one has cell reception down here. It's a fucking dead zone." Laura replied, her voice trembling. Her breathing grew erratic and heavier. The train was so packed, so loud with disgruntled riders now, and the smell of sweaty, damp New Yorkers. It was overwhelming, and made her head swirl. Taylor quickly grabbed Laura's hand, squeezing it rhythmically.
"Laura," She said, squeezing harder. "I think this is a panic attack," Taylor's voice was calm, her words soft. Laura grit her teeth, biting her lower lip.
"God I need some fucking air. And then I need to take a drag, because fuck it." Laura stood up, stretching her legs. She was panicked, stuck, and cooped up. Taylor took a deep breath, concerned for her.
"Laura. Count your breaths with me." Taylor ordered the other woman firmly, trying to get her to settle down. Laura sighed, sitting back down. She followed Taylor's lead into breathing. Within a few minutes the train started to run again, slowly but surely.
"I'm fine now, okay?" Laura grimaced, trying to take the shake out of her voice. She felt embarrassed Taylor had witnessed that. Claustrophobia happened, and Laura couldn't help her reaction.
"Hey, it's okay," Taylor moved closer to Laura, taking a deep breath. She leaned over, close enough to smell her floral shampoo. "It happens. We were trapped. On a smelly loud subway car. Don't sweat it." She assured her, squeezing her arm one last time. Laura's eyes flicked over to Taylor, the question teetering on the tip of her tongue.
"How did you know to calm me down?"Laura asked softly, turning her body to face Taylor. Taylor's blue eyes found themselves a spot on the floor to stare at as she swallowed her words. As the train arrived on a stop, she began to explain.
"I have anxiety. When I was younger, it was really bad. Like in school. My therapists taught me coping skills, that's all." She replied grimly, knowing it was better to tell Laura the truth now. Better than to have her breakdown on set somewhere. But Taylor didn't like to concern herself with that, lest she get too wrapped up in her own fears. Laura immediately hugged Taylor, her warm hands clasping behind her back.
"Thank you." is all she said in response as they arrived in their destination. Laura was surprised and intrigued by Taylor's reveal, as if she was piecing her together like a puzzle. She was flattered that the woman trusted her like that, and had helped her. They exited the subway train, making their way to their private transport.
"We heard about the delay. Someone jumped in front of the G train, so they stopped service until they could fix it. You're all good." Their PA assured them as he drove them off. Both women sat in silence, savoring the quiet of the morning. Taylor slid her hand across the black leather back seat, finding Laura's hand. She rubbed her thumb gently over her knuckle just to be assuring. Laura responded with a small smile, enjoying Taylor's comfort.
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