Take me Home

Chapter 31

Chapter 31

She was drowning, and no one could see it. She was drowning in her own pain, misery, and alcohol. She made sure she paced herself, but at the end of every day, she made sure she drank enough to pass out, so she wouldn't have to dream or think about the nightmares that haunted her. No one had visited her in over a week, and Jade was glad. It allowed her time to drink and contemplate what a shit show her life was. 

She took another swing of the whiskey in her hand and tilted her head up towards the ceiling. She hadn't showered in 6 days and she knew she smelt of piss, alcohol, and misery, but she didn't care. She tried going to the bathroom herself, but when she failed to get out of her chair, she was so drunk she just pissed herself instead.

She liked the quiet; it was soothing and the buzz from the alcohol kept her thoughts and nightmares at bay when she passed out. She ordered more alcohol the other day and even got it delivered so she didn't have to leave. However, almost a week later she nearly finished her last purchase and had to order more, but even that was too much effort. 

She couldn't remember the last time she ate, but again she didn't care. She finished her bottle and remembered why she was alone and she cracked open a fresh bottle as memories of a week ago came rushing to the surface.

It had started off the same as any other day. Jade yelling at Marcus because he was trying to force her out of the house to her appointments that she kept missing.

****

"What's the fucking point. Huh. Why bother when I can never walk again." Marcus rubbed his face frustrated that Jade didn't want to help herself get better.

"The point is, so one day you will be able to function. You can hardly wipe your own ass at the moment. You need to learn these basic functions again." Jade just gave a bitter laugh and waved her arms around her room.

"Again Marcus, what is the fucking point. I want to die. Why can't you accept that fact that I want to die? I don't want to get better. I want it to end. I can barely sleep without having flashes and dreams of blinding hot pain. When I wake up everything hurts, every fucking day I wish to never wake up. My body is broken, my mind is like a slushie, so why bother." Jade slumped in her chair, suddenly so, so tired. Not just with human interaction, but with life.

"Why do you care so much?" She said so softly as she looked into her lap. Marcus squatted down to Jade's height and took her hand into his.

"I care because I love you." Jade felt herself stop breathing as she looked up into his tired and worn face. She saw the emotion in his eyes, showing his genuine feeling to her. She went to open her mouth and say anything, but she couldn't form the right words she wanted.

"You don't have to say it back. I just wanted you to know how I feel. I care so much because I love you and I don't want you to die okay, I want you to fight." Jade snatched her hands back and really looked at him.

"You love me?" She questioned, and Marcus went to tell her again until he saw her entire demeanour change. She sat up in her chair and it was almost like he could see the steam coming out from her ears.

"How dare you? You fucking selfish bastard." If Jade could stand up, she would have and show just how angry she was.

"How dare I? Sorry, Jade would you like me to just switch off the way I feel?" Marcus rose to his feet and crossed his arms over his chest. Trying to hide his hurt.

"I don't want you to fucking love me. I hate you, I fucking hate you so much. I wish I never met you. Go shove your love elsewhere because I don't want it." Jade clenched out each word. If Marcus loved her, that meant someone who cared, and she didn't want anyone to care. She didn't deserve to be cared for, because if someone cared then she would have to get better because it was what he expected. Jade didn't want to get better, she wanted to die.