cosmos

alone

phil pushed his pillow harder against his face and whimpered. since justin had gone to the new patient, he hadn't been back. it wasn't just him missing, either. no one had come to visit him. sally was gone, fran was gone, jack was gone. everyone had disappeared. but he couldn't cry. oh, no, for if justin were to find out that phil had let his guard down long enough to cry, he would be punished. so instead, phil held his breath and bit his lip hard enough to taste blood. 

the only thing that prevented phil from suffocating himself was the sound of his room code being entered on the keypad outside. he quickly sat up, hugging the pillow against his chest, and watched as the doctor made his way inside.

"how are you today, philip?"

"all my friends are gone," he muttered into his pillow.

a smile stretched across the doctor's face. "that means the medication is working! i was worried we were going to have to bump your dosage up again. this is a cause for celebration!"

phil scowled. "no it isn't! my friends are gone, and now i'm so lonely. i haven't had the energy to get up and water my plants," he pointed to the withering plants lining his windowsill. "and they're dying now."

the doctor's smile shifted to a frown. "well, phil, you do know that schizophrenia can be a very dangerous illness. it can cause you to do things you do not want to do. maybe now that your...friends have gone, you can come out during game time and meet some of the other patients!"

phil shifted, glaring at the doctor. "it isn't schizophrenia, doctor. i know these people in real life. i went to school with them, my father is there, my boyfriend is there. they are not fake."

the doctor sighed, tapping his pen against the clipboard. "phil, come out for a bit, won't you? i'm sure you'll be able to find someone to talk to while your friends are gone."

"are you sure?"phil squeezed his pillow in his hands tightly, eyes narrowing.

the doctor nodded. "i'm positive."

phil scoffed and threw his pillow aside, jumping off his bed and following the doctor reluctantly out of his room. since he had been admitted into the hospital, he'd only gone into the lounge two or three times, but deemed it scary and uninteresting when he had his own friends waiting in his room. he watched closely as the doctor punched the code in for the lounge. 7426, 7426, 7426. phil had a strange feeling he'd need to remember that. 7426. 

it was loud. people were sat at tables and on sofas, talking quietly amongst each other, but their voices rang in his skull, making his head hurt. he covered one ear and tugged on the doctor's sleeve.

"please, can i go back to my room? my head is starting to ache."

the doctor shook his head, pulling phil's hand from his sleeve. "just try to stay out here for ten minutes, okay? it'll be good for you to socialise with some new people."

and with that, he was gone. phil scowled at his back, silently cursing him as he left the lounge. he huffed and looked around the room in an attempt to scope out someone to sit with in silence. it seemed that everyone had their own cliques formed already. he examined the able by the window: a woman with missing teeth and blood on her fingers and mouth. scratching, perhaps? the man across from her had too much hair, tied neatly into a braid. isn't that against some sort of rule? the man could choke himself or someone else with that much hair. phil shuddered. that wasn't his place.

the table by the bathrooms was crowded with four people playing parcheesi. a bald man with a tattoo on his head and a gold tooth was getting angry at the hispanic man with his two front teeth missing. when he laughed, it sounded to phil as if his throat was raw, bleeding. another man and a younger girl around phil's age sat quietly, watching on anxiously. where were the nurses? phil didn't want to get involved in that just in case a fight broke out.

another woman sat in the rocking chair, facing the wall and mumbling to herself. bothering her didn't seem like the best idea. 

there was one table, far away from the rest of them, where one boy sat by himself, staring around the room with wide eyes. his forehead was bandaged, along with his hands, and phil could see from across the room that his neck was peeling enormously. he grasped at the bandages covering his hands, tearing at them absentmindedly. he didn't look too threatening, phil supposed, so he made his way across the room and sat across from him.

the boy's gaze snapped to phil immediately. "are you angry?"

phil was taken aback, his eyebrows furrowed. "what?"

"are you angry?"

"why?"

"because if you are, you can hit me," the boy licked his cracking lips. "you can hit me as hard as you want."

something clicked in phil's brain. "you're the galaxy boy aren't you? what, are the bruises gone now?"

"nearly," he fidgeted. "but on a normal day, people call me dan. so, are you angry? do you want to hit me? i promise i won't complain."

"dan, if i hit you i'll be sent to seclusion," phil rejected. "i can't go or my plants will die."

"i'll water your plants while you're gone!" dan's eyes were pleading. "please, please, i don't want my stars to go away."

"they aren't stars, dan." he manages to look offended. "they're marks of abuse. they're blood vessels bursting and dying. it's your body breaking down, slowly, slowly."

"i need to find my mum," dan moaned, tears springing into his eyes. "she'll hit me if i ask her to."

"dan, that isn't-"

"you fucking bitch!" their heads whipped around to see the bald man standing over the young girl, hands clenched in fists. "what the fuck have you done that for, eh? you think you're allowed to just swipe my fucking pieces onto the floor?"

"matthew, it was an accident, cool it!" the hispanic man stood and pushed matthew's shoulder lightly to get him away from the girl.

"you want to tell me what a fucking accident is, james?" he pressed their foreheads together, spitting onto james's face. "how about you killing your girlfriend and daughter, huh? was that an accident too?"

james's shoulders began to shake, and phil knew immediately that he was crying. "it wasn't fucking me, you heartless bastard!" he sobs. "you know it wasn't me!"

"do you think matthew would hit me if i asked him to?" dan asked, already making a move to stand from his seat. 

"dan, don't you dare."

ignoring phil, dan stood up and began to make his way over to the arguing men. without much of a thought, phil sprung up from his seat and wrapped his arms around dan's body, holding him against his body tightly. dan shrieked, thrashing wildly.

"let me go, you fucking prick! let me go!"

nurses and doctors ran into the lounge and made a beeline for matthew and james, who were now hitting each other, while the girl cried and the other man sat on the ground in the corner, rocking himself. dan sobbed loudly into phil's ear, still struggling, and phil could feel himself growing tired. two nurses made their way toward them each holding a syringe. phil's heart rate sped up, and dan began screaming.

"please, please, please, not again!" he wailed. "i can't do it again."

the nurse ignored him and sank the needle into his arm, making dan scream louder. she took him from phil's arm, a dark look on her face. the nurse took phil's arm, and he didn't protest as she injected him with the drug, squeezing his eyes shut at the poke of the needle. it was a mistake to come out here. it was a mistake, a very big mistake. 

his eyes began to droop, and the nurse guided him to his room. he watched bleary-eyed as she punched in the code. 2086. 7426 and 2086. he wondered what the code to dan's room was.

"sweet dreams, philip," the nurse laid him on his bed, tucking him under the covers. before he blacked out completely, he saw the old, cold, cracked, but oh so handsome face of justin smiling above him. 

--AN--

y'all will be pleased to know that i officially know what the fuck i'm doing with this story :D