Tired Lines; Soonhoon

04

☽

3:02 am.

Jihoon wants desperately for his brain to shut off.

He's tired, so fucking tired, and he's tried everything - teas, milk with honey, exercise before bed, some stupid body lotion gifted to him by Mingyu ("Who knows? It might work!") - spoiler alert, it didn't work. None of it ever worked.

He's past the point of quiet disappointment, now. He's frustrated, he's annoyed, and he's so, so irritable; he's barely keeping up with his classes, he hasn't managed to finish a song in weeks, the only person he ever talks to is Mingyu - and Jihoon's pretty sure that's only because they live together.

He wants to drift off. He wants his eyes to stop stinging, and for the dull ache at the back of his head to dissipate. He knows he should stop going to that damn café, but he can't. That's his fault. That's on him.

"Why don't you sleep?"

Jihoon raises one unimpressed brow. Soonyoung's chin rests in the palm of his hand, and his mouth forms a silent oh in understanding.

"I wish I could," Jihoon says. "I've gotten maybe 30 hours of sleep in the last week. It fucking sucks."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. I feel like shit."

"What does - What does it feel like?"

"Shit."

Soonyoung frowns. "Maybe be a little more specific," he says. Jihoon presses his body into the back of his seat, sighing.

"It's like ... like my mind is completely separate from my body. Like, I could be so physically exhausted - I am so physically exhausted - but my brain refuses to turn off for more than a few hours. Normal tasks are more difficult, forming coherent thoughts and sentences is something I actually struggle to do, and you already know emotional control is a lost cause, so I have to really bite my tongue and force myself not to lash out at every inane thing someone says."

And there's so much more to it than just that - Mingyu has to walk on eggshells around Jihoon when he gets like this, he feels terribly guilty for that alone. His appetite gets all fucked up, he feels resigned to everything, and life doesn't stop on account of insomnia; Jihoon still has to attend classes, he still has to do well on his exams, still has to go out and live like every other human being - except living isn't as hellish for every other human being as it is for him.

"Why do you come here every night?" Soonyoung asks, and Jihoon shrugs.

"It gets boring trying to sleep, just staring into darkness for hours on end. It feels marginally better to get out of bed and do something."

"Hm. I don't know if I should be happy about that, or if I should ban you from coming here."

"Ban me?"

"Yes. Go home, lay in bed until your stubborn brain gives out."

"And what will you do?"

"Google every known remedy to insomnia and force you to try them all the next time I see you, obviously."

3:31 am.

Jihoon's laying in bed, staring at his ceiling. He didn't tell Soonyoung that he's already tried everything.