Feelingz

Aug 6

In a place of being abandoned

I feel my body surprisingly easy

Endlessly falling like a feather

Into the abyss I thought I had already seen

You cannot discover or experience the abyss

But the falling itself creates the illusion of

Being there discovering the blackest black

When you're falling into the abyss

All turns into dust with the most painful part of being made

Not out of the unknown which thrills but

The too very well known which should have been forgotten

You feel stuck at the very best

You can't

You can't forget none of those things that hurt you

The pain always remains silent somewhere deeply in your heart

It's hiding

In your laughter

In your tears of joy

From time to time it screams until it slightly deafens you

Demonstrates the pitches and voices you sought to abandon from your life

Yet they keep calling at you

They keep coming at you with the brutal reminders

Of your non-existent worth

Of your non-existent happy future

Of your non-existence

They stalk you and they tell jokes about you

You feel defeated

You try remember the darkest periods of your life

When the darkness of being abandoned and continuous falling

Shut out all the light you had and you felt slowly dying

It felt like the rehearsal of death of yours

The rehearsal of death of the ones you love

The rehearsal of death of yours in the hearts of the ones who quietly love you

And when you started walking backwards in the blinding dark

The dark always tends to brag about being the most eye-opening

And you always secretly feel that the dark is a liar

So it was back then, when you suddenly saw the light

The light held by someone new and someone you thought to be great

You felt like you could be saved

But in the end you realised that someone new and someone great

Came to steal all the light you had and it was just

Another evil tickling your vulnerability until you cry

Afterwards you felt like you can trust no one

And you hurt others

And you cut all the ties

And you ran away

And ran

And ran

And ran

And although it kept brightening it still had some dark shade about it

Now again falling

You remember all of that

The last battle with the falling into the abyss and the darkest pages of the story

From that time on, you've tried to abandon any light that seems sneaky

You've sought for progress in the loneliest methods existent

Just to avoid people, just to avoid love

Realising the fake love's is the main tool of an evil to kill you

Now you exhale because

Yet you're again in the dark

Hoping

Hoping for the soothing subtle light out from nowhere

For in the end you believe it to be the only thing that rescues

From easy falling like a feather

Endlessly into the abyss

You're hoping for the light that'll carry you out from here

Deeply you know it'll come

But you're careful

Because you already know

The delicacy of the division of

The illusion taught by subconscious and

The reality taught by intuition

You already know

The deathly evil and awakening good to seem the same when you first see them

So you're careful

Yet doubtful about the carefulness

For so you experience the delicacy of the division

By doubting and not trusting anything you see

Anything you get happy about

Anything you get

Now you smiled

You realised

The sadness is the only thing you neved doubt it'll pass