Penny for your thoughts

My move & the stress of starting a nee school

Recently I moved in with my aunt she lives in a different state. I really wanted to talk about it but I felt like I wasn't ready to talk about but now I feel like I am.

My family and friends are 306 miles away from me. My life has never really been the best. But i had my family and that made it work. The last couple months of school were not the best for me.

I've never wanted to leave my house the one I grew up in. Because there was just so many memories. The writing on the walls and the treehouse and everything. That was the first place that I ever felt loved and safe. It was so extremely hard leaving. It was definitely not an easy decision to leave.

Before I left I thought about leaving a lot. One reason was my uncle who I lived with. I love him so much but he wasn't the easiest to get along with. Most of the time I didn't want to deal with my problems and my life so I locked myself in my bedroom. I didn't want to see anyone, I didn't feel like eating, and I was just miserable. It just became to much more than I could handle.

Another reason I left was because I felt like the town was fake. You never really know how you could trust. You never knew who would hurt you. Always looking over you back.  There was some people I trusted. Who were really close to me but they did things that really really hurt me. They brought out the in me.

I also left because of a really bad breakup. It didn't really seem real but it was probably the realest thing in my life. He completely broke me. Old habits came back my mental health was crazy. It really hurt not knowing what I did to make him breakup with me. Also the fact he seem unaffected by it. Me on the other hand cored myself to sleep and could barley look at him. He was happy as could be and I was slowly dying.

To continue I left because my mental health. No one really knew how bad it was. I would cry myself to sleep every night and razor blades became my best friend. I would barley eat. And when I die it was ice cream or junk food.

The last reason was because I needed a change in my life. I fresh clean start. I felt like the school I'm going to be going to offered more than my last school. Which it does. Things definitely changed. I hope for the better

I feel like I'm comfortable this topic because of the fact I'm going to be starting school tomorrow. I'm really anti-social so you can probably guess my anxiety through the roof. I feel trapped and I'm so sorry about people not liking me. I know I shouldn't. But I do that's the problem.

I can't stop thinking about if people are going to want to be friends with me. If I'll have to eat lunch alone. If I want have any friends.  Afraid of being made fun of. I've never really had a lot of friends. I never really tried to have a lot of friends. I've just been me.

I'm also afraid of the classes and everything. I practically had all A's but my last school seems like a piece of cake compare to my new one. Plus I'll be taking French which is crazy.

That's all I really gotta say

Xx Shelbs