little dragonfly

Part 2

I was in my room, that day he wasn't home, that means I had to do the works of the house.
First I washed the clothes and prepared the lunch, then I cleaned my room, his, and the living room, and later I sweeped the pieces of glass beer bottle of the bathroom. This was the agreement, as long as he didn't kill me I had to make his life easier.

I was sat on my bed, looking a paper I had on my hands, it was a map of buses, for getting out of there, of him. But I knew I wouldn't do it, I couldn't, he needed me. I kept the map under my pillow , it was 7 pm and he wasn't at home, that was weird, he normally came home at 4pm, and
I had forbidden over anything to go to the balcony, but I was really worried.

Out there was nothing, I couldn't go out the house, never, I'd lived in that house and that house was all my life, not wind, not sun, not nothing, just myself and a person who wanted to kill me.
The balcony had views to the town, it was strange to see houses again, like before. The wind hit my face and I only could feel happiness on all my body, and for the first time in a lot of time, I smiled.
I saw a shadow moving closer to me and then a boy,he was staring at me, I ran inside and closed the window and the door of the living room as fast as I could, and I leant on the door breathing fastly and thinking my father would kill me, a boy had seen me, and no one was supposed to know I was there. No One.

Next day he didn't appear neither, so I ate his food of the last day, I didn't know where he was, but he had never done that before. He always told me the history, and he always made it sure to be every single day, "maybe if tomorrow he doesn't appear I could....no,no he'll come back."
I was on the living room, reading the only book I had then, it was a present of my mom, about a fairy that couldn't fly.  I heard a big noise coming from Charlie's room, I stood up and started to walk there, I was walking near to the wall, with a flashlight on my hand, then I heard that noise again, I shouted. I opened the door, there was no one, but I entered.

Oh! What dumb I'd been, it was the window that was opened and made noise when it moved.
I closed it, and I stopped one moment and watched the room. It had passed so much time till the last time I had entered there, the bed wasn't made, he never made it, there were toys spreaded on the floor and on the desk there was an album, with my fingertips I touched the cover slowly. It was wrong. I couldn't be there. I ran out the room and closed the door.

It was Friday, the only day he let me have a bath,and even he wasn't at home, I felt like he still was, looking at me from somewhere,testing me. I entered in the bathroom and started filling the bath. I closed the light and I set fire to a candle and put it next to me.
I started to take off my clothes, I caressed my tattoo, put out my scrunchie and let my long dark hair fall down my shoulders till my waist. My skin was almost white, and my lips, were full and dried. I looked at the mirror once again, green eyes and skinny cheeks covered with bruises .
I put my feet on the hot water and closed my eyes, that was probably the most paceful feeling I had,then I layed all my body inside. I stayed there for a while, without opening my eyes just leting the water move under my skin. I got a sponge and I washed my wounds and bruises, one to one, every single one. I closed my mouth and eyes stonger and I felt all my body hurting, as if every cell of my body could feel the pain of his hits.

Two days later he hadn't apearead yet , and I was starving, there was no food in the house to cook.
When I was on the old sofa, reading my book again, the phone rang. I got scared. "I can't answer, but what happens if it's him?"
I looked around me and I picked up the phone and waited.

- Hey? There's someone? Mr. Hook?

I didn't answer.

- Who is there?- I kept quiet but listening- is it the girl of the balcony? hey?

I got scared and I stood up, nervous.

- Well, whoever you are it is not mr. Hook, and he is the only one living in there.- I didn't answer and so he took a deep breath and said-  Ok, if you don't answer, I'll have to call the police.

" no,never, never the police"

- Don't, I am here- I answered and heard a little noise of satisfaction.

- Who are you?

- The niece of mr.Hook. - I said without thinking.

- Okey.... And where is he?

I didn't answer.

- Are you alone?

Nothing.

- Are you in problems?

- No, and don't call us again.

I hanged up and started to cry. It was the first time I talked with someone alive that wasn't him, but it was wrong , so much wrong, I've passed an strict line.

" Are you in problems?" , my mind repeats this question one and another time. I would like to say "yes","save me" but I knew I couldn't and I still didn't know why.
I remembered the first time he hit me, it was the night after the funeral of my mom, I was crying in my room hugged with him and suddenly he stood up, and said to me:

- It had to be you.

- What? - I said drying my tears.

- You, why not to be you? You need to die too.

I stood up and moved away.

- What are you saying dady?

- You know it ! All this is your fault.

- What? - my voice broke down.

- She never had to die, you know she never had to die.

He moved closer to me and there it born a flame of fury on his eyes.

- All this is your fault.- he repeated.

- No, you're wrong. You just need a guilty to put the fault on.

He dennied and keep moving closer and closer and I finished sat on the floor with my hands covering up my face, for first time afraid of my own father, probably the most hurtful feeling I ever felt. Then he caught my hand and twisted it, hit me three times on my face, took a book and threw it to my head. Blood started falling down my face and when I was lying on the floor he kicked me on my stomach and then, I fainted.

I was on my room in front of the door eating a bowl of soup while I was looking at the door, waiting something, with a haavy layer lonlyness covering my thoughts.

I stood up and went to the bathroom, then I looked to the mirror and shouted.

- Who are you?

I saw myself in the mirror and I didn't recognize myself, There was a girl,yeah, but it wasn't actually me. The girl was covered with bruises on her arms, with a wound on her head and an old white T-shirt that she had been wearing for all the week, it was holey and dirty. Her hands were full of scratches that I did myself trying to keep quiet every day, but then I found her eyes,and I discovered I was there, deep on them.
I took a scissors and started cutting my hair, crying, and as if that could heal me, I felt I was starting all again. Once I had finished I looked again the mirror.

- I have to change, and  I've changed.

But what a big lie was that.