I Can't Change - Larry Stylinson

Chapter Five

Chapter Five

Harry's POV

I handed the pants over to Liam rigidly, my breathing heavy, eyes dilated. Why was I acting like a complete idiot? Liam glanced at me, raising an eyebrow, although his eyes were glazed tiredly. I diverted my eyes quickly, feeling my face burst into flame. 

"You okay, hazza?" Liam questioned, leaning against the couch, staring at me, his head lolling. Niall shuffled past us, groaning a quiet goodnight, before collapsing on the couch in a heap. It was already 4 am, yet after whatever stunt I just pulled, I was wide awake. Liam snapped in front of my face as I was too caught up in thought. I grunted, rubbing my eyes. 

"Yeah, Li. Just tired, sorry." I smirked, before turning on my heel, padding down the hall. Rubbing my face, realizing I was trembling. I blinked, hard, before turning into my bedroom, and closing the door with a quiet click. I leaned against the door, sighing out loudly, muttering to myself. 

I don't like Louis. It's not right, no good would come out of it. 

Yes you do, admit it. The lust half of my brain sneered back, and I cringed, looking down at the floor, staring at the woodgrain in the floor. I gulped, crossing my arms over my chest, shivering as I slowly laid down on the bed, staring up at the ceiling as though answers would start bleeding down through the roof. But of course, they didn't. 

Sure, I may have a crush on Louis, but- everyone does. Louis is just one of those guys, infectiously hard not to love. And plus, he's my best mate. 

Stop trying to cover up things that you know are false. It pointed out coyly, and I rolled onto my stomach, burying my head in the pillow, raking my fingers through my curls. I kept thinking back to the picture, to the way his lips had felt - maybe that's what was torturing me. I wanted to feel them again, and I knew Louis felt the same way, maybe not as ernestly, but somewhere deep down he had to. With the way we looked at eachother, he had to feel something. 

I felt butterflies rake up my stomach nervously, and my eyes burned, I let out a hurt sigh. But Management, no matter what they would never budge on something like this, Louis had a girlfriend, so I have to stop feeling this way towards someone who can't return it. I gripped the sheets frustatedly, taking all my will-power to climb out of my bed, and go back into his room, but that wouldn't help anything. 

I thought of the way he had squeaked as I shoved him up against the wall, the shock in his eyes, but the hunger had overtaken me. The way his face burned bright red, the way he croaked out my name- it was all driving me insane. The fact I can't act the same way around him must be what is driving these emotions out of their hole- they don't belong. I like girls. 

But I had no clue what was wrong with me, I obviously would not be acting like this if I didn't have feelings for him, for fucks sake I nearly drove my tongue down his throat not even 10 minutes ago. I let out a tight breath, clenching my jaw. This was all so unfair. I could feel a lump in my throat, the more I thought about this, constantly rolling about my bed, not being able to get comfortable. Dim light from morning began to seep from behind my blinds, and I began to feel desperate to fall into a sleeping state. I had to get this off my mind, I need sleep. I need it. 

Admit it, Harry. You're in love with him, since day one. Admit it. 

I could feel the lump in my throat growing, it was so painful that I had to release it, the tears began rolling down my cheeks. I arched my back, scrunching into a small ball, sniffling into my sheets. I wasn't even sure exactly why I was crying, was it the reason that I did love him, no matter how hard I tried to muffle it over the years. Louis was always so much better at masking his emotions with a grin, better than anyone I had ever met, and I envied him for it. He has to pretend to love a girl he doesn't even know just because of our homoerotic actions.