I Can't Change - Larry Stylinson

Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Fifteen

It had grown impossibly dark, and I considered I was falling into unconsciousness, with this sweet voice surrounding me. I felt my legs sluggishly moving through the grass, my eyes suddenly popping open, filled with light again, but not to the graveyard.

My cheeks were wet, and my heart was pressing against my ribcage, and I realized I was in the hospital room, the nurse hovering over me, her features soft, she was cooing gently to me. The relief that fell over me was immense, before I felt the horror begin seeping back into my bones.

Just because it was a dream didn't mean it wasn't going to be real. The nurse leaned my hospital bed up, and the change in position made my head swirl even further. She eyed my tear stained cheeks, and she handed me a tissue. 

"Your family is here." She said simply, and honestly, I didn't want to see them right now. The feel of the wind was still on my neck, the feel of the cold stone in my palm, the ache in my heart. I watched her as she walked to the door, poking her head out, saying something out to the hall, before the door was opened wider, and my mum came rushing in, her face distraught.

"Hi mum." I croaked out pitifully as she pulled me into a hug, burying my head into the crook of her neck, sniffling against her skin, taking in her familiar scent. I felt my chin wobble and a bit back tears again as she stroked my hair. 

"I'm so sorry, Lou baby, I'm so sorry I wasn't here for you." She said, her voice breaking. I didn't hold back my tears anymore, as she held me close. She had confirmed my fears again. She pulled away, wiping away my tears, taking in my most likely horrendous state. I turned my wet eyes up at my step-father, who was silent, standing close, though, patting my arm. I returned my gaze to my mum, letting out a low sigh, my breath lilting as I hung my head, hearing Mark's low voice grumble out, not really sure what he said. I slowly looked up at him to find him not even looking at me, but over his shoulder.

I was confused, he had just spoken to me, yes? Why was he looking over his shoulder? I craned my neck, blinking.

The door was cracked open, and a gaunt, thin and ragged figure was rolled in in a wheelchair, pushed by Anne.

My head grew fuzzy, I felt my heart nearly stop, my breathing halting immediately. 

"Boobear." Was all he could make out, the voice nearly foreign, broken, low. A high-pitched, shrill cry of a noise broke from my lips, as the tears poured from my eyes. This had to be my dream! He was right there, his skin might be grey, his curls might be limp, but that's my Hazza. I was shaking, touching my face to make sure I was really alive, really seeing this. 

"Ha-Hazza!" I screamed out, my voice escalating. I shook in my bed, whipping around, demanding to be detatched from the the IV, which the nurse did rather swiftly. I crawled out of the bed, rather weakly, my legs nearly buckling underneath me. The blood rushed to my head and my vision grew fuzzy. I didn't realie until now everyone was crying around me, but I didn't care. He was here! He was alive!

I was sobbing so loudly surely everyone in the near viscinity would hear me. I found myself wrapping my arms around him again, falling to my knees, clutching onto him, sobbing uncontrollably. I held onto him as though he might be taken away from me any second again, I pulled away, looking at his pale face, revealing he was crying just as much too. He stroked my face, a limp smile on his face. 

"Hazza, plea-please, I thought you died... I-I thought you were gone.." My whole face crumpled, and I brought my hands to my face, breathing heavily into my hands, still not able to believe this. 

"But, I'm here.. Lou.. I saw you, you know. It was dark, but I heard your voice, I fought.. I fought to come back. It was so.. scary, Lou," He breathed in deeply, his voice slow, his words making the sobs etch further into me, "I knew I couldn't be somewhere without you... I heard your.. I heard you screaming my name... and I decided that I wouldn't.. wouldn't die. Lou, you saved me again." 

My chest heaved, and I leaned forward, kissing his cheeks, holding onto him so tightly again, hearing him whimper gently, indicating I was hurting him. I lessened my grip, kissing him on the nose, on the forehead, breathing in his musky and sweet scent, that still lingered even on his heavily medicated body. I didn't even care if our family was here, I could scream to the world I loved this boy right now, and not care. I pressed my lips firmly against his, and he weakly returned it. It was a desperate kiss, one that I did to reasure myself that this was real. He tasted of a bittersweet mixture of chemicals and icecream. 

I backed away, standing so wobbily I had to grip onto his shoulder to steady myself. I looked back at my parents, who were wiping tears of their own away. I looked back down at him, my beautiful, perfect boy, the boy that made my world a barable place. I smiled at him, I smiled down at him until I thought my face might crack in half, and when I looked up, there were the boys. Niall, Zayn and Liam, all standing in the doorway- and they must've been there to witness my utter breakdown because they all were crying as well. Seeing them, I stumbled over to them pulling them into my arms, and they hugged me tightly, letting me relieve my tears upon their shirts. 

I kept turning around, making sure Harry was still there, and he was, grinning weakly and tiredly up at me, his eyes dark, blood shot and heavily lidded, but those dimples still showed through, making my heart leap into my throat. I thought I would never see that perfectly stunning face of his again, but here he was, sitting right there in front of me. 

"Come on, guys, let's let them have a minute." Anne said, motioning for everyone to file out of the room as well, and when they were gone, I shuffled to him, not taking my eyes off of him. We didn't say anything for a moment, but I wedged my hands around him, picking him up, which was much easier than I had expected, but he had lost so much weight. I carried him to the hospital bed, not really made for two, but we both squeezed on there, his head on my chest. Tears still gathering in my eyes as I rubbed his back, kissing the top of his head repeatedly. 

I felt his hot tears on my chest, seeping throughh my shirt. He turned his face to look up at me, and my breath caught again, still not able to believe he was here, right here with me, gazing up at me. 

"I love you so much, Boobear." He whispered, so brokenly it made my watery smile turn into a sob. 

"I love you too, Hazza." I croaked out through my tears, kissing him over and over. "So much."  

I would've liked to say that this moment lasted for hours and hours, but not but 10 minutes later, a nruse tentaively walked in, smiling warmly at us, which fell as she quietly announced Harry needed to make his way back to his room and be reatatched to his IV and be monitored until fully stable. I was so reluctant to let go of him, I started crying again. I didn't want my body to be cold again, I wanted to hold onto him until I was fully stable myself, fully able to comprehend the fact that he was here. 

Watching him being wheeled out of the room, I let out a tight breath, listening as the door thunked closed, and the tears were streaming down my face. I was in utter awe, and I smiled. I really smiled, resting my head back, closing my eyes. 

I guess I'll just have to tie his bowties more often, now.