"Maxx... Maxx..." I felt a teardrop.
One cannot always bear a certain amount of pain. That gnawing feeling of impending doom is difficult to be replaced by happy thoughts. How is it even possible- when every happiness you experienced is suddenly replaced by grief, and leaves you numb- to even distinguish glee? To even feel contentment and security again?
At this moment, I am numb. Death has always been a good option, but there's this tiny hope that doesn't grasp on that concept. I have felt happiness and pain, but I can't give up just yet- I still needed to love, and be loved. I know there will always be tomorrow, regardless of the absence of my senses.
So tomorrow, I will try. If I fail, I will try again the next day. If I fail the second time, I will do whatever it takes on the third. That is what makes me human again- the thought of having to find that sole reason to bring your feelings back. Because if I die now, then I am giving up on the many years of trying and thinking about the silver lining. If I die now, I will waste not only the opportunity of finding true happiness, but also the opportunity of feeling pain but with someone to finally share it with. I will also be giving away what's supposed to be mine in the future. If I die now, I will never have the chance to turn my life the way I wanted it to be. If I die now, what will happen to the rest of my life with Matt?
I've made it too far to surrender. The night is over and the sun is awake.
At this moment, I am numb. But I am not giving up. All I have to do... is simply open my eyes.
YOU ARE READING
Quintessence
RomanceThere was a time when I want to die. Just die and be forgotten. It was a scary thought, but it's also comforting. When I, Maxx-a sad, out of shape, broke, gay man- have met a cheerful, fit, rich, straight guy, I felt that there was still a reason to...
