Heal the Scars Left on the Heart

15: Chance

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I slowly opened my eyes that felt like they were glued together. The white ceiling stared down back at me, but it wasn't my bedroom ceiling.

The warmth of my blanket hugging my body was missing, and was replaced by the cold air of my living room against my bare body. I found myself laying on my couch instead of my foamy bed.

I groaned as I sat up cautiously with the pain in my shoulders and the pounding headache. I rubbed my temples vigorously, the cold beads of sweat stained my fingertips. A nauseous feeling sat in the pit of my stomach.

Ugh, I need my pain killers.

I got up steadily to drag my heavy body across the floors of my living room to the kitchen to grab a glass of water and my pain killers for my shot wound. I placed the pills on my tongue and chugged it down with water, and slowly dragged myself out of the kitchen to the bathroom.

When I reached the bathroom, I turned the lights on to only see a reflection of my disgusting, hungover self through the mirror. I was half naked, only dressed in a white matching lingerie. My hair was all knotted from rolling around in my sleep, and my mascara somehow ran to the bottom of my cheeks and the center of my forehead.

Oh god, what happened last night?

I squinted my eyes as I held both my hands on the edge of the sink, thinking hard about what could've possibly had me practically naked on my couch.

My brain power fought hard to remember what had happened, even if it blew up a few brain cells I had left in my head.

That's right.

I shook my head at myself in disappointment.

I voluntarily stripped myself in front of Rupert because I was scared to tell him anything remotely close to being about Connor.

I sighed as I eased out of my undergarments.

Obviously I wasn't drunk enough if I remember this...

... or if I hadn't told him anything.

I turned on the shower so hot that it threatened to melt my flesh, but I wanted to wash away the filth that lingered on my body from falling asleep without washing up. Especially a night after drinking.

As I shampooed my scalp, my mind started to wander off in every direction.

How Rupert cared about me.

How much he wanted to know about me.

How much he really thought it was fate that brought us together again.

But I don't know if he wanted to start something with me solely on the fact that we were able to see each other again or he just genuinely cared about me.

But every time I saw his eyes, they watched me so carefully. Studied every movement I made, analyzed my breathing. Even his eyes watched the words that slipped through my lips, like he could see them.

Sometimes, that scared me. I felt like he could vanish in thin air right in front of me, just because he was associating with me. And now that his emotions peered through his brown marbles more and more everyday, his life looked so much more threatened.

I noticed I had that effect on people.

I felt compelled to push him out of my life, just because I feared for him.

Or if I accepted him, I would fear everyday of him walking out of my life. Like sand in my palms, and the wind carries him somewhere else, far away from me.