Dying.... for you

Chapter 1

The memories came back one by one, each in slow motion. The kiss, the shooting, the running and chasing, everything up to this moment, exactly 1 year later.
I walked down the crowded hallways of my high school. It was my junior year and I was already ready for the next year.
Me and Shane haven't talked much in the past few months after things finally calmed down.
"Hey babe," Gage walked up to me and placed a kiss on my forehead.
"Hey," I smiled back. But the smile was more fake then real.
Yeah, me and Gage are dating again. I don't like him as much as I use to but hey, why not.
He's the only person who hasn't left me. Me and Kaley don't talk anymore. Leah try's to stay away from me after everything because she blames herself for daring us to go into the shack in the first place. And of corse Shane and I never talk.
That pretty much stopped after I finally got out the hospital and the court trips were over. I guess he was sick of me and I don't blame him.
I still see him at school but he never looks at me and never says a word to me.
Him and Gage are friends though. They hang out a lot and I guess that's nice.
"What's wrong?" I jump and look up at the taller boy beside me.
"Huh? Oh nothing. Just thinking."
I replied hesitantly.
"About what?"
I continue walking down the hall with my boy friend by my side. This is not how I planned my junior year to be. I never thought I'd be depressed or confused for the rest of my life. Nothing seems to make any since anymore. My life is a complete disaster.
"Nothing important," I fake smile back.
Gage is unaware of mostly everything that goes on inside my twisted, torn mind. And I'd very much like it to stay that way. The less he and everyone else knows the better. If Shane found out about all this who knows what he would do. I mean seriously I have no clue. I thought we were getting closer after all we went through but it only tore us apart.
Every Time I see him all the awful memories flood back to me and I'm sure it's the same for him. I would never want to hurt him or see him the way I am. So I try to keep my distance.
However, when I do see him, his smile almost makes me smile. And not one of my usual fake ones I give people. He makes me smile as if my world was perfect.
That's why I keep my distance. Unlike me, he can still smile and I don't want too take that from him. It's a beautiful thing, his smile, it brightens up a room. It brightens up me.
"Well," Gage and I stop in front of my 2nd period class, "I'll see you later ok?"
I close my eyes as he places his strong hand on my arm and calmingly rubs it. I anticipate the kiss to follow but this time it doesn't. When my eyes flutter open, Gage is gone and I'm left standing in the door way like an idiot.
I put my head down and walk to my seat in the back of the class, which is pretty much where I sit in every class, away from everyone else. The farter away from people I am the better. Especially Shane and the person I miss talking to even more than him, Kaley.