The Long Game//XiuChen [UAU II]

XIII / The Office

WARNINGS: Drug mentions

-Day 41; Monday, July 10th, 2017-

Kim Minseok's hands trembled as he struggled to find the words to tell Kim Jongdae what was happening.

He hated having to tell Jongdae. He had been putting it off for about a week.

He was unable to think straight, his judgment and thoughts clouded by guilt, fear, and worry.

"Min?" Jongdae asked again. His voice began to waver, peaking and breaking off. "Is everything okay?" he remained on his spot on the sofa, turned around and sitting up on his knees to face Minseok. He didn't move, as if the daunting news Minseok was about to dump on his shoulders had him frozen in place.

Minseok knew how that felt.

"DaeDae, you know I love you." Minseok started, his breathing becoming heavy and shuddery.

"Dammit, Min, just tell me already!" Jongdae snapped, his lip quivering. "You're stressing me out and scaring me!"

"Jongdae, I'm so sorry." Minseok sniffed, allowing the tears he held back to spill over, like water gushing out of a broken dam.

"Minnie." Jongdae whined, pushing himself up off the sofa and coming closer towards his sobbing boyfriend. "What's wrong?"

Minseok took a shaky breath, trying to calm himself enough to speak full, coherent sentences. "It's only for a year." he said carefully, still sobbing. He gripped Jongdae's applications letter tightly in his hands, his hands trembling and causing the letter to shake.

"Minseok, you need to tell me what's the matter." Jongdae said, still matching Minseok's unstable tone. He reached out to embrace Minseok, hold him close, and as much as Minseok wanted to feel how warm Jongdae was against him, Minseok shied away.

He couldn't, not with what he was about to tell Jongdae. It already broke his heart, and it would surely break Jongdae's. As much as he would miss Jongdae, he felt as if he would be taking advantage of him if he embraced him and felt him now before he told him.

"Jongdae, I got a job."

"I know that, Min."

"Not here. It's in Russia. For a year." Minseok watched Jongdae's face fall, his lips turning down and his face contorting. "I'll be home for the holidays. I'll leave around the same time you start school again."

"How long have you known, Min?" Jongdae said quietly. He kept his gaze down and wrapped his arms around himself.

"About a week."

"And you're just telling me now, Min?" Jongdae's head snapped up, any trace of melancholy disappearing and being replaced by a mixture of shock and seemingly outrage.

"I'm sorry, Jongdae!" Minseok yelled. "Do you know how hard it was for me to tell you that? How hard it is to do that to you? To us? I've been sitting on this all fucking week! The longer I mulled it over the more guilty I felt! I'm terrified, Jongdae. Terrified of what will happen once I'm there. Of what will happen to you when I'm gone!" Minseok paused for a moment, regaining his breath and composure. "I'm scared you'll get bored and find someone else while I'm away. I'm scared you'll be lonely. I'm scared you'll suffer and struggle because I'm not here to do and show you things. That's why I wanted to send you away. Not because I don't care about you or care about the program, but because I thought it'd be easier on you if you went away, too. You'd be distracted and caught up with your own work and studies. The time difference would be shorter, too- Moscow is six hours behind Seoul. But if you went somewhere like Athens, for your major, there'd only be an hour difference."