『meant to be』ON HOLD.

3.

johnny's pov

we're in the store brandy melville, and nadia and lauren just disappeared into the changing rooms with heaps of clothes. kenzie is about to enter one when i grab her arm, stopping her. she looks back at me in alarm.

"what are you doing?" she hisses, dropping her arm.

"you didn't tell me you knew nadia!" i whisper.

"you didn't tell me you were dating her!" she fires back quietly.

"well..." i scratch the back of my neck. i dated nadia to get over kenzie. i would never admit this, but it's true. my heart was set on her and dating nadia did help, although kenzie still crossed my mind from time to time. i still remember how we broke up.

19 months ago

i heard kenzie's knock at the door and rushed to open it.

"you texted?" she had smiled, but pain was clearly etched atop her delicate features.

"i think we need to talk. about us." i'd said nervously.

"we've been dating for 2 years, what's there to talk about?" kenzie said slowly.

"maddie. you have to be there for maddie." i said in a sigh, letting what had been weighing down on me for weeks out in one breath.

"i know. i am. what does that have to do with us?"

"i heard you, the other day. on the phone with melissa. you couldn't come to the hospital because you didn't want to miss our date."

"it was a date i was looking forward to! and i rescheduled and went the next day."

"but kenz..." i bit down on my lip and looked away. "i don't want to take up your time. you need to spend it with maddie. she could... pass. at any time."

"i– i know, but... but i need you." she choked out through her developing sobs. my heart shattered, i couldn't bear to see her like this. i had thought about this for so long– would leaving her while her sister was dying make this harder for her? but then i remembered something about mackenzie- she's focused. she will focus on one thing at a time, and not one more. she doesn't multitask.

"maddie needs you. and this isn't goodbye, mackenzie, it's just a break before maddie–" i stopped myself and tried to blink back tears, but it was no use. i was already crying. "she's suicidal! she tried to kill herself! we don't know if she's okay. and she needs you, kenz."

"johnny!" kenzie said quietly, her voice distorted through her tears.

"i love you, kenzie. if you ever need me, please call me. i'll always love you." i promised her, kissing her forehead.

"stop, no, don't do this!" she said hysterically.

"i love you, i love you." i mumbled into her shoulder.

"i love you, please!" she cried.

"family first. i know it's hard, but this will be easier for you. you like having one thing at a time." and with that, i got up and left.

—

remembering this, i widened my eyes.

"maddie. is she... okay?"

"yes, johnny. she's fine. guess you broke up with me for no reason." kenzie wouldn't meet my gaze.

"mackenzie, i did it for your own good. you know you would've gotten too stressed with maddie and having a boyfriend!" i pleaded for her forgiveness, placing my fingers on her wrist delicately.

"that might be true but it's not your place to say so!" she snapped, jolting her wrist away.

"mackenzie." i mumble, finally out of excuses as my eyes mist over. i need you. i try to say, but my throat is too thick from holding back tears.

in response, kenzie scoffs at me before disappearing into the dressing room.

hey uh i'm so losing inspo w this book esp with school (i just moved to a new state so it's even more confusing) but i'll try my best to continue it and give u guys consistent chapters, but anyway hope y'all enjoy this xx.
—ria <3